Power station to be fueled by London's lard

8 April 2013


London eats so much crap that it could fuel a power station. It just so happens that this is actually going to happen, as the cooking waste from restaurants and food companies is to help run a fat-fuelled power station.

So that's why Groundskeeper Willie had a grease fund.

All the fat that clogs up London's sewers will be used to supply the National Grid, announced by Thames Water and 2OC. Of course, it is a great idea and is a handy slap in the face for hooting aubergine munching foodie arseholes who have hissy-fits about how much junk the nation eats.

Burgers power Britain, while celery only fuels whining middle class people.

And this is a win-win scenario has it not only fuels Britain without fossil fuels, but also, solves the problem of how to clear the drains of fat (of which there are 40,000 blockages a year, caused precisely by that). Thirty tonnes a day of waste will be used to provide enough fuel to produce 130 Gigawatt hours. Huge deal.

Piers Clark, commercial director for Thames Water, said: "This project is a win-win: renewable power, hedged from the price fluctuations of the non-renewable mainstream power markets, and helping tackle the ongoing operational problem of 'fatbergs' in sewers.

Isn't 'fatbergs' a wonderful word?

Andrew Mercer, chief executive of 2OC, added: "This is good for us, the environment, Thames Water and its customers. Our renewable power and heat from waste oils and fats is fully sustainable. When Thames doesn't need our output, it will be made available to the grid meaning that power will be sourced, generated and used in London by Londoners."

Nasty sort, Hermann Goering said "preparedness makes us powerful. Butter merely makes us fat", but he was wrong. We must eat as much junk and butter as possible, so Britain can lead the way in green-power. If a Guardian foodie disagrees, then tell them that they're a Nazi sympathiser and sending the Earth to an early grave.

TOPICS:   Utilities   Health


  • Grammar N.
    I bet it will reak something rotten during the production process.
  • Grammar N.
  • Jeremy
    Pies Clark, commercial director for Thames Water, said:...
  • Han S.
    Why don't we just burn some Americans? They'd keep the power stations going for years
  • jim
    need to make one that runs off bullshit - collect a lot of that from the Houses of Parliament. kaa-ching!

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