Britain might run out of gas

Thanks to a bone-crushingly cold March, Britain is on the verge of running out of gas. If the cold weather carries on, by the 8th April we could have to rely on foreign imports from Norway or Russia, pushing energy prices up.

The UK usually only ever has 15 days worth of gas held reserve at any one time because of a lack of storage facilities, but due to increased demand during the unseasonable weather, there’s now only 2 days left.

Scottish and Southern Energy is even warning that in the next three years there will be ‘energy blackouts’ as demand outstrips supply. Some experts say that as a result energy bills could go up by £100 this winter.

The gas shortage news comes as George Osborne launches his ‘dash for gas’ initiative, pushing for it to become the UK’s main source of fuel. With carbon supplies rapidly running out, this seems a bit like launching ‘a dash for wax cylinders’ or ‘dash for Betamax’.

Energy companies want government gas reform so they have can store more, generate more and charge more. But if we continue to depend on fossil fuels we will have even more cold Marches and then – end of days.

But I’m sure George Osborne and the Big Six energy companies will sort it and it will ALL BE FINE. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to stock up my Richard Madeley Armageddon Cupboard.


  • Daily M.
    I ain't havin no goddamn commie russkie gas in my house!
  • Mr M.
    Go nuclear
  • Chewbacca
    Nuclear is the answer, but there are too many nimbys and idiots that are terrified by it. We, as a planet should be throwing everything we have at fusion research. It's the future.
  • Mohammud B.
    Standing wave energy is the future. Every home will have a tiny power source that can power everything cheaply.
  • Big M.
    'But if we continue to depend on fossil fuels we will have even more cold Marches and then – end of days' This is a fact right?
  • 0-60 3.
    Tidal energy is the future
  • Dick
    Burning wood in a dustbin is the future.
  • Lord S.
    Burn £50 notes in the fireplace - it's cheaper
  • noshit
    Eat the rich? Burn the fucking fat! All that lard waiting to be released back into the Universe. Highly unlikely the slothful mofo will give it up with out a fight.
  • Captain.Cretin
    My baby daughter is severely allergic to cows milk, including baby formula; but the NHS wont test her unless she is on a full dairy milk diet for at least a week prior to testing. Bearing in mind the agony she will suffer during this period - how much will all the methane she will produce be worth ??
  • doris
    There was enough gas in my bedroom this morning to supply europe fora year then he got up and went to work!!!!

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