The most important news story you'll ever read. Ever.
The printed word is dying, you say? Consumers are turning their backs on newspapers? Nonsense and piffle! Not when there are stories like this, plucked from the pages of the Harrogate Advertiser.
Not only is there world-class investigative journalism afoot, but the story includes this world exclusive on the environmental damage to fresh fruit: "It was a beautiful yellow to start with but after a while it started to go brown."