The Bromley News Shopper - the most idiotic newspaper ever?
In our quest to cover the insane attempts by the press to cling onto consumers as digital media kicks its face off, we turn to the Bromley News Shopper, and its less-than-subtle attempt to drum up readership:
Arrrgghh! PAEDOS! That's short for PAEDOPHILES!
Is somebody threatening to build a nursery next door to some sort of rehabilitation unit for sex offenders? Is that the story? No.
Is the nursery being built next to or nearby a person or persons on the sex offender's register? No.
So what is the story? What facts have led to the Bromley News Shopper printing such a horrific headline? The website has all the details. Specifically, a complete lack of them:
Mum-of-two Natalie Rooney, aged 30, said: “We think there will be traffic problems because of all the parents dropping off and picking up their children.
“We think there will be noise problems because the children will be playing outdoors. We are also worried that paedophiles will be attracted to the area to be close to the nursery.”
By the same logic, mum-of-two Natalie no doubt keeps her own children locked in a cellar, on the off-chance paedophiles will be attracted to them. Obviously there'll be no windows, just in case the sick perverts are tempted to look through them.
But wait, there's more damning non-evidence:
Shariff and Hussaina Syed, aged 69 and 61, live next door to number 5, and they fear paedophiles could move into the flats overlooking the property to be close to the children.
Mrs Syed, 61, said: “There are flats overlooking and people could move in there and watch the children. It is a possibility it could happen.”
Yes, yes it is a possibility it could happen. It is also possible that SS doctor Kurt Heissmeyer will be reanimated, move into a flat and continue his barbaric Nazi experiments on toddlers. On that basis alone, and the say-so of the Bromley News Shopper, no schools or nurseries should ever be built anywhere, ever again.
Sensationalist headlines, piss-poor journalism, spectacular linkbait opportunity. The editor will be clearing his desk and taking up a role at The Daily Mail by the end of the week.