The Bromley News Shopper - the most idiotic newspaper ever?

In our quest to cover the insane attempts by the press to cling onto consumers as digital media kicks its face off, we turn to the Bromley News Shopper, and its less-than-subtle attempt to drum up readership:

Bitterwallet - Bromley News Shopper paedophiles

Arrrgghh! PAEDOS! That's short for PAEDOPHILES!

Is somebody threatening to build a nursery next door to some sort of rehabilitation unit for sex offenders? Is that the story? No.

Is the nursery being built next to or nearby a person or persons on the sex offender's register? No.

So what is the story? What facts have led to the Bromley News Shopper printing such a horrific headline? The website has all the details. Specifically, a complete lack of them:

Mum-of-two Natalie Rooney, aged 30, said: “We think there will be traffic problems because of all the parents dropping off and picking up their children.

“We think there will be noise problems because the children will be playing outdoors. We are also worried that paedophiles will be attracted to the area to be close to the nursery.”

By the same logic, mum-of-two Natalie no doubt keeps her own children locked in a cellar, on the off-chance paedophiles will be attracted to them. Obviously there'll be no windows, just in case the sick perverts are tempted to look through them.

But wait, there's more damning non-evidence:

Shariff and Hussaina Syed, aged 69 and 61, live next door to number 5, and they fear paedophiles could move into the flats overlooking the property to be close to the children.

Mrs Syed, 61, said: “There are flats overlooking and people could move in there and watch the children. It is a possibility it could happen.”

Yes, yes it is a possibility it could happen. It is also possible that SS doctor Kurt Heissmeyer will be reanimated, move into a flat and continue his barbaric Nazi experiments on toddlers. On that basis alone, and the say-so of the Bromley News Shopper, no schools or nurseries should ever be built anywhere, ever again.

Sensationalist headlines, piss-poor journalism, spectacular linkbait opportunity. The editor will be clearing his desk and taking up a role at The Daily Mail by the end of the week.



  • peter f.
    thanks for the heads up
  • Joey F.
    Not if i get there first....
  • The B.
    Hilarious, presumably whoever wrote the article is unaware that paedo is from the Latin and means child so the headline actually reads "Will nursery attract children", I think in all likelyhood the answer is yes, presumably that's what it's designed for?
  • MK
    No need to remind them that over 90% of sexual abuse cases involve someone close to the family (relative or friend) and not a stranger. It's the people who you least suspect that tend to be the most dangerous...
  • Nick T.
    @ Real Bob Not sure how many Latin scholars there are in Bromley, but might be less than unum.
  • Digital I.
    You'll also find that the police Public Protection Unit and MAPPA would not allow a convicted sex offender to live that close to a school or nursery, and that even if they were the school/nursery would be made aware of their presence. Oh, and of course there's the fact that paedophiles have lasers in their eyes...
  • Mulberry
    Technically "paedo" is from the Ancient Greek. But point still applies. And gives me a chance to be a little bit smug. Seems the only safe option is to ban children altogether.
  • Gemma
    Has anybody considered the possibility that the nursery ITSELF is a paedophile in disguise? Think of the children! Not too much though, mind.
  • Tim
    That is so fantastically retarded. ...however I do worry that banks may attract thieves.
  • rockinron
    One of the mums is called Natalie ROONEY - 'nuff said.
  • Ali
    I don't live round that way any more, but isn't the News Shopper still a free paper? So it's not even like they're relying on sensationalist headlines to drive sales, as evryone gets on shoved through their letterbox anyway.
  • Paedos D.
    [...] I can only assume this is a Satirical Newspaper…. Read the full story here [...]
  • I_is_ashamed_to_live_in_Bromley
  • james D.
    People are stupid, that's like objecting to a shop been opened in your street because it will attract shoplifters.
  • charlie
    newspaper editors should go back to school for reporting crap like that lol.
  • charlie
    Posted by I_is_ashamed_to_live_in_Bromley, the comments posted in the link are priceless. Especially this one: porkpie, SE London says... 12:40pm Mon 1 Nov 10 " Mrs Syed, 61, said: “There are flats overlooking and people could move in there and watch the children. It is a possibility it could happen.” ........ Yeah a meteor could hit the planet. The more these people talk to the papers the more foolish they look.”
  • The T.
    will Gary Glitter be allowed congenial visits
  • News 8.
    [...] also: Tabloid Watch, Londonist and Bitter Wallet. Hat-tip: [...]
  • Duncan B.
    @Ali The NewsShopper has slipped furtehr, it doessn't make it through doors anymore, just given out in High Streets I think. They used to have it in collection bins in Orpington Tesco.
  • ottocrat
    @ Nick T "Not sure how many Latin scholars there are in Bromley, but might be less than unum." Bromley resident here! I've got a Masters in Latin ta very much. "Paedo" is derived from Greek, though, not Latin (pais, paidis - child). Istam in plumbo tuo pone et fumesca! ;p We get the Bromley News Shopper through our letterbox. It always goes straight in the bin so I missed this gem. Thanks for the heads up!
  • ottocrat
    Actually, this is one of my pet gripes. 'Paedophilia' comes from the Greek words for 'child' and 'love' - but 'love' in the non-erotic sense ('phileo, philein' = to care for, to have tender feelings towards). The word which we should be using instead of 'paedophile' is 'pederast' (from 'pais', child, and 'erastos', lover) but that word has been inappropriately hijacked to refer pejoratively to homosexuality. Sometimes a classical education can be a curse.
  • Dannybuoy
    I use the News Shopper to light my stove. That's the best use for it.
  • You're i.
    What you all seem to have missed is that the story is meant to be ironic - it pokes fun at the fear of paedophiles. It even has a sidebar with comments from people criticising the residents for fearing paedophiles.
  • Cheesey
    This is utterly appalling... the fact that Natalie Rooney, mother of two, has bred her idiotic gene pool into existence. Please Natalie, please think of the children, and undergo sterilisation, won't somebody think of the children?!
  • Nobby
    > Sometimes a classical education can be a curse. Especially when the Greek teacher sticks his cock up your arse.
  • Elise
    It is known that 25% of priests are pedos so what percentage do you reckon teacher or dare I say it even nursery teachers are pedos. SO WHY ALL THE OUTRAGE!!!!!!!!!
  • bookface
    25% of priests are feet (or badly spelled children)? I didn't realise that! Well fuck me sideways (which, incidentally, is what the priest said).
  • Free B.
    [...] After our story earlier in the week, we’re not so keen to turn into Paedophiles Weekly here at Bitterwallet, but the story that about Amazon that has exploded in the past 24 hours bears repeating, because it was the sort of situation that could do significant damage to the company. [...]

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