Woolies - Saving Kids From Being Gunned Down By Cops Over Blue Plastic Sword Mix-Ups

15 December 2008

As the company disintegrates before their very eyes, you’d expect Woolworths staff to be adopting a slightly less than professional outlook – you certainly wouldn’t blame them.

If I was working for them, facing queues of miserly vultures having a moan that the discounts in the firesale aren’t substantial enough, I’d be ignoring guidelines and cutting corners left right and centre as I wait for the inevitable day when I’m told not to come back because the store is no more.

In Birmingham’s branches, they’re being diligent to the last – refusing to sell Star Wars lightsaber toys to under-18s in case they’re mistaken for real firearms. Harsh - I mean, if Trading Standards were to intervene because they’d flogged a blue plastic toy to a nine-year old, would anyone at Woolies really give a toss?

Not only should they be actively flogging light sabers to kids, but they should be chucking in free cigarette lighters and bottles of meths as well. Come on Woolworths staff – rip up the rule book and go out in a blaze of glory! Give us retail anarchy!!


  • Martin
    Maybe the Woolies staff are saving them for a mass Star Wars themed suicide when they finally shut down. If you don't tell the staff they are not real, they won't know.
  • Matt
    You could be like that, or you could think along the lines of 'all these people are coming here for a bargain but I'm not going to let them have it as I want to be a c**t'. Personally, I would find either methods rather satisfying if I were about to lose my job.
  • Mike H.
    "Put the blue plastic light-up toy that vaugely resembles a gun down sonny, or i'll blow your feckin head clean offf!" After the Police have scrapped up the brains and skull fragments from WOOLIES bare, bargain picked shelves, they can enjoy perusing the isles to grab a last minute bargain, shoe-polish, or a light saber for themselves.
  • Gus
    If top firearms cops can mistaken a Brazilian for a terrorist they might as well confuse plastic lightsabers with samurai swords.
  • Mike
    Brazilian ? Brown people are brown people

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