Tesco - you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy

21 September 2009

Bitterwallet - Tesco Value droidAsk us for our dream news story to write about, and it would invariably involve Star Wars and Tesco. We simply can't think of another mashup of topics that would cause our sphincters to twitch with more nervous excitement. So this morning the single cubicle we share with the Dealspwn team was in non-stop action as we digested the story of Daniel Jones, founder the International Church of Jediism.

Jones, born nearly a decade after Star Wars was released, was cruising the yellow label deals in the Bangor outlet of Tesco while wearing his hood, as dictated by his religion. Jones had gone to buy something to eat during his lunch break when supermarket staff approached him and explained he would have to remove the hood or leave the store.

Jones, from Holyhead, who is known by the Jedi name Morda Hehol, said he was humiliated and victimised for his beliefs in an entirely fictional and made-up religion. According to The Guardian, he has made an official complaint to Tesco, is considering a boycott of the store and is seeking legal advice. Hats off to Tesco (or hoods, depending on your inclination) for the clued-up PR person who judged the situation correctly and said the following:

"Jedis are very welcome to shop in our stores although we would ask them to remove their hoods. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Luke Skywalker all appeared hoodless without ever going over to the Dark Side and we are only aware of the Emperor as one who never removed his hood.

"If Jedi walk around our stores with their hoods on, they'll miss lots of special offers."

We're with Tesco on this one - we don't recall any Jedi dressing in a bright blue hoodie which, in our considered opinion makes Jones look more like a shoplifter than the leader of a global religion fictionalised by two very good films and four very shit ones.



  • Tom P.
    What a nob
  • Justin M.
    I'm with the faction that believes ALL religions to be "entirely fictional and made-up". They're just weak people that needed something to believe in that would answer life's questions for them.
  • Shooter M.
    @Justin: Thanks for sharing your insufferable atheism with us
  • The B.
    He can't even afford a decent lightsaber, how much are the Master Replicas ones now, £30 or so? Fecking tightwad. On the plus side, there are plenty of mutants and aliens to play with in Tesco, most of them work there.
  • nipper
    Morda Hehol...more like More of and Ass hole..What a twat!
  • moneyshot
    I'm with you, Justin ManchesterAfterDark. Religious people tend to find atheists "insufferable" as reasoned debate cannot be suffered when your only solace in denial of evolution and science is thousands of years of superstition and ghost stories.
  • Cheap L.
    Haha, that is fantastic. Love the response from Tesco, very witty.
  • Jedi M.
    (Wave is hand and uses the force) Nothing happened in here... you can stop reading this crap in move along.
  • pauski
    Nothing happened in here... move along - bah you can't use jedi mind tricks on BW readers.
  • TV's B.
    Tom Pickering's comment has rendered all other comments pointless - he covered all bases.
  • Dai G.
    To be honest i dont see why he cant wear his hood, if other religions are allowed head wear he should be allowed to. Who says one religion is more valid than another? They cant all be right if any so that means that 99% of religions at least should be made to remove any head wear as well, no? As they are just pure fiction too, albeit fiction written a long time ago, which was probably born out of tall stories and story tellers.
  • Jedi M.
    "you can’t use jedi mind tricks on BW readers" Welll said! If they can cope reading this BS they are already under an evil spell!
  • Corzair
    @Moneyshot I agree with Shooter McGavin we can debate it all day and all night but over the top belief in Evolution and science as rock solid is laughable. Evolution doesnt even follow the scientific 'falsifiable criteria' as admitted in OU text books for crying out loud and science is more modelling the material world then the search for truth. And atheists are “insufferable” because they're actually in denial of a higher purpose to the world and the blatant truth staring at them in each moment in each breath. stuff dont just happen on it own - the universe is constructed - indicated by the fact that mathematics is directly useful in physics...
  • Corzair
    Great story by the way - but its a poor jedi that need his yellow lables
  • Dai G.
    @Corzair "And atheists are “insufferable” because they’re actually in denial of a higher purpose to the world and the blatant truth staring at them in each moment in each breath. " Im sorry but LOL. Stuff dont just happen on its own, no it happens cause you make it happen :D ! Enjoy you life by your rules not some that have been designed to manufacture you to think in a certain way.
  • jim w.
    Mention religion in an article and the comments descent into a huge debate about this and that. Why are you discussing religion online, on a consumer blog site? The god's aren't listening.
  • Matt. S.
    I would put forth that a religion based on video tape evidence is more valid than one based only on a book.
  • Justin M.
    I did say that religion in general was nonsense, I didn't say that God was non-existent. So 'Shooter' needs to differentiate between atheist and agnostic for a start. Apart from trying to make me look the fool (epic fail on that one, buddy) his comment serves no purpose other than hinting that he's religious. Well done you. I think it's pious and sanctimonious religious zealouts that are 'insufferable'. Even more 'insufferable' are the hypocrites who destroy lives on a small scale like the Catholic priest that molest altar boys, or the fanatical leaders who wreck lives on a large scale and who use their faith as a defensive shield and general justification whilst condeming thousands to death in military campaigns. For the most part, I keep my non-allegiance to any faith to myself. It's not like I'm a non-smoker running around openly telling smokers they're disgusting fools, and neither do I directly criticise individuals that follow and practice religion. I just don't think they're doing something useful with their lives through worship and following a set of confused rules that belong to another age. Try to remember that God may have created the world (and I side with neither religion or science regarding creation, I just accept that things are the way they are without needing to see whether the Wizard of Oz is behind the curtain) but if so, he didn't create religions. No, men that crave power, influence, wealth and control are behind religions.
  • zeddy
    @Justin ManchesterAfterDark: You da man! They tried to throw Chewbacca out of the Tesco in Edinburgh and then realised it was just Susan Boyle.
  • Shooter M.
    @ Justin: Good for you. You've simply confirmed that whatever you are, insufferable is the adjective before it.
  • Frank T.
    Justin, don't take this the wrong way, but you sound like a right boring cunt.
  • tin
    I love the way he is "considering" boycotting Tesco. Go careful mate, don't make any rash decisions....
  • zeddy
    @Shooter McGavin: do you have a PhD in bollocks?
  • Marcus S.
    "typical" athiests, religious nuts - all the same. fruitloops with a need for SOMETHING! Come worship at the altar of god, or of science. Let the priest/scientist help with it. One bunch wants 10% out of your pay packet, the other lot want 10% out of your taxes.
  • Ten B.
    [...] Tesco – Jedi-haters or just tolerant of a bloke who insists on being a bit of a prick? [...]
  • andy y.
    If God had a nice pair of tits I might reconsider my theological position.
  • [email protected]
    If you really want to find out if God exists shoot yourselves in the fking head.

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