Stop watching live TV on your work PC instead - it could cost your boss a fortune*
It looks like the boys and girls at TV Licensing have started playing the old game of ‘good cop bad cop’ with us all. A couple of weeks ago, they delighted the nation when they revealed some of the wackiest excuses that licence-dodgers had used in order to avoid the laughably small annual fee of £142.50 per household.
Our favourites were: “I couldn’t make my last payment as my baby was sick on my shoulder and I didn’t want to go to the shop smelling of sick because the guy I fancy works there” and “I have not been making payments because a baby magpie flew in to my house and I have had to stay in to feed it.” Superb.
Now though, just as we were starting to believe they were human rather than the soulless owners of cold, black shrivelled-up hearts, the TV License hit squad are back to their menacing best, putting the frighteners on small firms whose staff watch live TV on their computers.
Of course, if the firms don’t possess a valid TV licence, that online telly trickery is illegal and detector van drivers will have good reason to burst in, render everyone helpless with a secret kind of gas, and then pull all their teeth out. Or something.
Here’s the complicated part - if you’re at work and you’re watching TV on your mobile phone or a battery-powered laptop you’ll be covered by your own TV licence, assuming you’ve got one. But plug that equipment in and all of a sudden the onus is on your boss to have a valid TV licence. Or it’ll be everyone's teeth rattling around in a big jar.
TV Licensing henchman Ian Fannon explained to the BBC News website (from where we nicked this story) that firms who say they don’t need a licence could be inspected without warning at any time by the gas-tank-wielding, teeth-removing hit squad. Ominously, he roared: "We have prosecuted people for watching on a computer."
Anyway, what the fuck are you all doing watching Jeremy Kyle on your computer when you should be working? Eh?? No wonder this country’s in the mess it’s in.
* Unless you hate your boss, in which case, you'll need to leave TVCatchup running in the background while you work before making an anonymous call to the TV Licensing snitch team on 0844 800 6790. Probably better if you do it on the computer of a colleague you loathe so as to avoid any disciplinary action.