This is 'eggsactly' what the world needs now. Sorry.

8 March 2010

The egg – surely nature’s greatest gift while at the same time being mankind’s deadliest foe… and that.

They’re almost perfect in their design, but getting the good stuff out of the middle of one is a living nightmare. Bits of shell in the bowl, broken yolks, dealing with the fact that you’re handling what is ostensibly a hen’s period, these are all things that can drive the average regular egg-handler to blithering madness.

But no more… a tool has arrived to help protect us from egg-related breakdowns. Named (almost TOO perfectly) the EZ Cracker, it will break open your eggs cleanly and without fuss or mass shatterage. Plus, if you want to separate the yolk from the white (eggparthied) it’ll do that as well. All in for a mere kick in the arse under £20. Frigging genius.

Just look at the infomercial below. See the problems that ordinary people have with busting those eggs open. Admit it, they could be your hands amateurishly struggling and fumbling when all you want is a quick omelette.

If that wasn’t enough, order now and you’ll also get a free EZ Scrambler, a device that mixes the egg while it’s still inside the shell. Hold on, surely THAT’S the scientific breakthrough here isn’t it?

Don’t know why we’ve bothered running competitions to give away the Nexus One and the iPad – surely this is what The Public really want?



  • Sarah
    I can testify to this: before I had Wendy's ez cracker, my kitchen was a mess. Egg mucus here, egg yolk there. Now, my life has been transformed. My meringues are astoundingly light, my scrambled eggs resemble sick in just the right texture, and my hair is starting to self-clean all the bits of old shell out. Of course, if you were to run a competition to win one, I would be first in line - you can never have too many of these!
  • grex9101
    I think i just had another bad acid trip....
  • cookie
    Only NINETEEN NINEDEE FOIVE!!! I love the way Jewish people speak. To be fair, she must be an utter retard if that's how she used to crack her eggs.
  • Boris H.
    MILF! I'd rattle her eggs no bother.
  • lidds
    WTF anyone who cant crack open an egg should be locked away
  • David
    I think I like the bit where it mixes up the egg inside the shell is the top feature. Wait till next year when Apple add it to their phones and then patent it afterwards!
  • Amanda H.
    Isn't there an App for this? tut tut tut.
  • Nobby
    I don't believe that fat cunt cooks from fresh ingredients. Look at the size of the bitch. She eats processed foods only.
  • Yue
    I'd rather buy the Kitchen Gun and clean her and her eggs up.
  • dunfyboy
    To be fair, it probably is more use than an ipad.
  • RR54
    Hahahahaha......Thats John Travolta right??? This is hilarious, ofcourse she has troubl e cracking eggs with those ham fists! Maybe she should have her egg white omelete, but not have the pudding.
  • Jack
    I don't think shes been eating many healthy omlettes recently, unless she just has double choc chip cake supreme for pudding every time.
  • Daft A.
    Isn't that the woman from Total Recal, the one Arnie comes out of (now there's an image I didn't want...)?

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