Deathwatch - Setanta set to fold & you're invited to buy NUFC

"We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of a dear and loyal friend. Actually ,scratch that. We're here to have a bit of a knees up and jump all over the grave of Setanta, winner of Bitterwallet’s Worst Company UK award. Sorry if you lost your job and all that. Here, have a can of Skol and a mushroom vol-au-vent."

And so the scene is set for us to wave farewell to Setanta. According to a BBC report, the company is losing £100 million a year and will slide into administration "within days" unless somebody fancies squaring the £30 million it owes the Premier League. That's on top of the £3 million payment it missed to the Scottish Premier League last week. Crivens.

According to one analyst, Setanta has only attracted 60 per cent of the subscribers it needed to continue as a viable business, and an investor with pockets as deep as Sartre is now needed to stump up the cash. If Setanta does fold, it'd mean the rights for future football seasons would be up for grabs - Sky seems the obvious choice although yankee doodles ESPN are also thought to be in the running.

But why spend £100 million on showing the games when you could buy a team? Newcastle United is up for sale for a paltry £100 million. However, NUFC owner Mike Ashley has taken the unusual and, some would say, idiotic step of publically inviting interested parties to email the club. It's given Sunderland fans the sort of opportunity they'd have to sexually satisfy a genie to enjoy again.

Expect Newcastle United's mail server to collapse under a heap of offers to buy the club for a quid, a turd in a bag, a pint of warm piss etc, and for the message to disappear from the official site shortly. You've got to hand it to Ashley - it'd take a staggering effort to make a once-proud institution like NUFC look like an even bigger prize dick than it already did. Yet somehow, he's managed it again. Cheers.


EDIT: As of Tuesday afternoon, Setanta has disabled its online and telephone subscription services, meaning that anyone foolhardy enough to become a new customer with them can go and swivel. End game.


  • Rubisco
    Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
  • Francis R.
    Keith Harris? As in Keith Harris and Squeaky voiced bilious green, Orville, and the annoying chav orange monkey, cuddles?
  • ali
    good riddance to those assholes at setanta - no more problems for anyone cancelling their subscription
  • Dave P.
    Hi I'm Dave Benson Phillips and yes - I'm a Setanta Subscriber. Luckily I'm only on some stupid 39p a decade deal because I kept trying to quit the cowboys. Having said that, they did somehow work out they owed me £150 (it was nearer half that), and paid in full - £10 a day for 15 days. Sorry to those losing their jobs, but your management was clearly abysmal, from boardroom, to second-line support.
  • Nobby
    So if everyone that reads this emails NUFC offering them a tenner for the club, they should get at least four decent offers.
  • LFC
    1 broadcaster is not allowed to show all Premier League games hence why Senanta even kept any games, so I'm not sure Sky would be allowed to buy up Setantas share.
  • Darren G.
    I've never subscribed to setanta, although i did get to the sign up form once and decided against it. They still gave me the cashback though so i've made a profit out of them, no wonder they are bust
  • Andy D.
    I got a cowboy outfit on ebay for £5 for my son - then some bloke called Ashley rings up saying I now own a football club.

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