Commercial Break: A perfect marriage of mediocrity - ITV and England - finally comes good

21 May 2012

ITV’s football coverage isn’t generally held in too high regard by anyone who has eyes, ears and as much as a quarter of a brain. Not only do they repeatedly insist on employing Jim Beglin, Gareth Southgate and Andy Townsend, they also have a nasty habit of cutting away from the action just as crucial goals are about to be scored. Not ideal really.

But this, THIS is a bit special actually. It’s an ad for their upcoming coverage of Euro 2012 and imaginifies what it would be like if England had followed up their 1966 World Cup triumph by winning EVERYTHING ELSE AFTERWARDS FOREVER. Of course, in reality, you’ve got more chance of seeing a porn film starring Metal Mickey but it’s nice to dream….



  • Mike H.
    Looks like Melisa with her gammy eyes and 1/4 brain is going to love ITV's coverage, then.
  • Chewbacca
    Let's face it, you English cretins act like you'll win every competition you're in. That's why the rest of the world hates you, and it's oh-so-funny when you crash out. How many times will your arsehole commentators mention '66 this year? Cunts.
  • The P.
    That's right! You English are big loosers.
  • Alan
    loosercomparative of loose (Adjective) Adjective: Not firmly or tightly fixed in place; detached or able to be detached: "a loose tooth". Not held or tied together; not packaged or placed in a container: "wear your hair loose". I am English but have short hair so can I be a looser The Place?
  • Avon B.
    Here's me writing a big list of Scottish football achievements on the world's smallest piece of paper. Oh, finished already.
  • Chewbacca
    The Place - way to let the side down. You fucking cretin, the word is LOSE. As in-you're a fucking LOSER. Avon Barksdale - 5 million vs 50 million. Think about it. Anyway, we'd beat the fucking crap out of you in a fight. Let's face it, there's not actually that many English folk in England now anyway...
  • The P.
    Fuck you Chwebacca. You are a big hairy fanny and you do not understand ironie.
  • The P.
    You English think you are clever with you're spelling and all the wrong "u's" in your old words but you are just jealous of how good we are at sports and saving you from the Germans and the Russians. I am sitting here in my resteraunt with my fine wine and seafood while you have you're pub and the rotten food to give you looser teeth. Who is the joke on now eh?
  • The P.
    In America football is a game for girls.
  • Cock R.
    I once did a porn film with Metal Mickey. He was called "Metal Dicky" for copyright reasons though. He could go at it for hours at a time, amazing to see. Apparently he caught metal AIDS from playing hide and seek in the late 90's. Poor guy.
  • Chewbacca
    The Place - "ironie"? Really? Are you that stupid, or do you attempt to cover up your lack of intelligence by pretending you're being "ironiec" (ironic). And if you're not English, then you'll understand when I say "get yersel tae fuck ya fud before ah kick ye in the cunt ya wee dobber". Yes?
  • Jeebus
    The Place Saved us???? Have you forgot Vietnam - you needed Koreans to save you then and even then it wasn't got your arse handed to you by a bunch of rice-farmers. What about Cuba? Had your invasion work out there....right. What about all the Yank's who feel the need to wear Canadian flags on their backpacks when they travel because they can't carry their AK47 around with them? For fine wine read grape fanta and for seafood read fillet o'fish - as fine as Uncle Sam's cuisine gets. Next time try and invent a sport that people outside the US give a shit about.
  • The P.
    Im sorry Chewbacca but I am not Scotch so that is just gobbledygook. The AK47 is a commie gun Jeebus. You stick with you're Tommy guns and we will use our M16 and M4. I'll just finish off this bottle of English Sparking Wine; their's some stains on the floor and you're fizzy plonk has to be good for something eh!
  • Dick
    I am not a Scotch man either, but I do own a pair of Pringle underpants, so I feel I can confidently comment that Scotland are shit at football.
  • Brian's U.
    god that's embarassing
  • Mr. P.
    People, people! Whatever happened to all the love in here?
  • Marky M.
    @ Mr. Patel Fuck off.
  • The B.
    @The Place - just to elaborate: Your - Belonging to you You're - An abbreviation of you are The Place - Neither sophisticated nor intelligent, a bit of a shithole full of the type of people who lick bus windows.
  • Mike H.
    At least, in Scotland, you have nothing to hope for or believe in. Let them have their shitty little country back, it's full of Irn-bru, tennants and midgies out-of-work layabouts and fuck all else!
  • Shooter M.
    Come on France, Sweden and Ukraine!
  • Avon B.
    Come on whoever knocks Murray out in the semi-finals! (as usual)
  • The P.
    Did all that practice at spelling and grammer save the empire Bob? I'll get back to my world class wine while you get back to you're second rate whine.

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