Superfluous spoonage nix’d to reduce airline costs

10 June 2009

Fatty.

Well if there’s a silver lining to airline food, it’s that you get a full cutlery pack with each meal. Knife, fork, spoon, napkin, the works. It’s your choice if you’d like to eat your crusty flaking lasagne with a spoon instead of the more traditional knife & fork combo. Or if you’d like to spike that tasteless fruit salad into your mouth with a fork. Or if you want to save the napkin to help mop up the inevitable vomitus later.

But in an effort to cut costs through weight reduction, airlines may not afford you these simple luxuries any longer – America’s Northwest Airlines are removing spoons from its cutlery sets unless they are explicitly required to deliver their inedibles from carton to mouth. More absurdly (but less annoyingly), Japan Airlines have shaved a tiny bit off all its in-flight cutlery. Apparently this reduces the weight of their 201.8 tonne 777s by "a few kilograms".

Paul Steele, director of the environment (sic) at IATA chirped: "You work out how much fuel that consumes over a year, and you can be talking about a considerable amount of money."

Other non-spoon weight control antics include cuts to the amount of water on-board and the abolition of in-flight magazines.

We throw the house open to suggestions– what other ingenious ways could there be to make planes that little bit lighter?

[The Telegraph]

TOPICS:   Travel

28 comments

  • Carl
    Ryanair seem to think relieving their passengers of their money before they board will reduce weight on-board that little further.
  • TeflonMan
    I say do away with those annoying passengers and you've got rid of all those complaints at the same time!
  • Alex
    Surely just a serrated-edged spork is all you need? I take Paypal, JAL.
  • Matt B.
    Finger food is surely the next logical stage?
  • kung-fu d.
    why not just force everyone to have a shit and piss in the airport before getting on the plane. that should save a few kilos. don't steal my idea BA. im patanting it right now. those who refuse must pay a fecal matter tax. fact.
  • pauski
    I think all Airlines are missing the point - Charge per weight of customer - that will make those fat ass, slow moving ("its my glands" - my arse), burger munching, super size me, FAT people think twice?
  • Spencer
    @ paulski: I am 6ft 5, and broad built. I am also a gym instructor and keen weightlifter. I have about 11% body fat. Thanks to the lean muscle I pack on, I'm about 21 stone. Are you suggesting I have to pay your fat tax? Maybe we should have body fat monitors. Charge everyone £10 for every % they are over say... 15%
  • Gus
    how about giving all passengers some laxative shortly after the check in?
  • Uncle T.
    Posted by Gus "how about giving all passengers some laxative shortly after the check in?" Why, so scum like O’Leary can charge us for using their bogs?
  • pauski
    @Spencer: Your not FAT obviously - from what you say. Besides, It's pauski -(not paulski), I hear your point - similar thing about Linford Christie - Body Mass Index at his peak would make him clinically Obese, obviously not! Point is - if you are big (in what ever sense) you eat MORE, if you eat more, this also has an extra cost. That's Life. O'Leary [Ryanair] could have an additional self tick box (are you overweight?) Using the O'Leary BMI index, then when you turn up match the boarding pass to reality (just like what they do for hand luggage or similar) - Better still, add to our Bio-Fucking-Metric Passports. Just penalise the REAL fat fuckers, slurping thier 2nd, no wait their 3rd bottle of full fat Pepsi and tucking into a bag of chips (whilst on Public Transport), a bus in fact - think about the environmental strain - let alone the bus (seen today - as every day).
  • Emma
    Naked travel! Save on the weight of clothing! NudistJet.com
  • Steve
    Cut staff costs and weight by losing the two bods at the front of the plane, surely they aren't needed??
  • Lumoruk
    Installing LCD displays instead of CRT in the cockpit will save on energy and weight :Thumbsup:
  • Tom P.
    These airlines should employ chicks with smaller breasts, that would save on fuel. I'm always getting a black eye when their mellons hit my face, as they pour in the Champagne.
  • i k.
    Lets hope they dont charge for how big a bell end you are eh pauski
  • i k.
    Forgot to say, yes im fat,huge. Need an extra large keyboard to type this message out because of my fat fingers. Actually im using my thought process because i need my hands to stuff my mouth constantly. Eat to much chocolate, have Diabetes, will die soon after losing my fingers and toes. And once im gone the world will be a much better place for no lorries delivering my obvioulsy huge meals on an hourly basis. I guess though i could always diet and be thin. What you going to do to stop being a dick. Will look at your reply if i run out of food.
  • Francis R.
    The flight attendents should wear less makeup, should save about 1/2 a tonne.
  • Nobby
    It would be good to have a girth gauge to stop fat people getting on. The amount of space on the plane is small enough already, I don't want the side guts of the fat fucker sitting next to me in my space hanging over the arm rest. Yes, it is anti-fat people, but fat people are cunts anyway. Plus it will reduce the sweaty smell in the plane. And in an emergency, it is easier to get off, as there will not be any fat fuckers stuck in the aisle swinging their bingo wings about trying to reach their secret stash of pop-corn, six pack of mars bars and 4L of diet coke (they buy diet in an effort to slim) that they need to last them until they get off the plane.
  • The B.
    I'm a person of diminished stature, 2'7" in height and weight 8 stone with a bmi of 50, now, I still weigh less than the average UK male, so do I have pay more?
  • Francis R.
    How dare you call Jimbo fat Mr Wong, he just has big reinforced lightweight alloy airframe!
  • amusing-name
    How about filling the cabin full of helium? That would make the plane lighter and the journey much more enjoyable?
  • amusing-name
    ... or ask people to delete all files from their MP3 players and make sure all batteries are discharged. That way they wouldn't have the the weight of all those pesky electrons...
  • amusing-name
    ... or rather than carrying water - which is heavy. How about dehydrated water? Its much lighter...
  • David
    I love the idea of giving the passengers a laxative before boarding. Think of all the money Michael O'Leary could make from the queue for the loo.
  • Francis R.
    Bob, no Ryanair will pay you.
  • David
    Francis Rossi .... Ryanair will pay him but he'll have to share his seat with two other people. PS Glad you decided to get rid of the ponytail. :-)
  • Francis R.
    Seat? @ 2'7" He'll be stored in the 'over-head compartment' next to the oxygen tank.
  • pauski
    Just worked it out @ "i think pauski is a knob" - person with no name - he has to bring up "bell end", "knob" & "dick" - I guess you have some anxietites considering that you have used phallic terms in more than one of you expressions. I suppose you ain't seen it for a while (eh big boy!) - apart from the mirror? Or have you not come out yet?

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