Stelios plans new airline - let's tell him what to do

27 September 2011

stelios pizza Sir Stelios is BACK! Yes, the man who brought us the phenomenally popular easyJet and loads of other less popular things with ‘easy’ at the beginning of their names is launching ANOTHER airline, as he seems to have got the massive hump with the people who run the easyJet stuff.

He’s going to call it FastJet – because ‘fast’ is better than ‘easy’ every time, right? Yeah, whatever. Anyhoo, it’s a golden opportunity for Sir Stelios to tear up the rule book and create a whole new type of budget airline. But what should he do?

Why don’t YOU TELL US? You’re a bright and creative bunch, with plenty to say for yourselves, so let us know what you want from your aviation experience that you’re not getting at the moment. Oh, and there are NO PRIZES.

TOPICS:   Travel

29 comments

  • Alexis
    Just do the opposite of what Ryanair do.
  • Bloke
    Be revolutionary - the first price you see is the price you pay. No supplements for this, that and the other.
  • Dick
    I disagree with the two above. Have supplements for baggage. I rarely travel with it, so I want cheaper flights than those that need 20kg baggage space. If they want to be revolutionary - charge extra for fat people. 40" waist or more, £10 surcharge per inch.
  • Tony
    How about a 'no babies' policy - in fact anyone below the age of 18.
  • BigBubba
    In purely economic terms, the cost in fuel for a flight is directly related to the total weight of passengers + luggage on that flight. The new pricing policy should be total weight of passenger + belongings. Clear price at booking time of £ per kg. You pay your claimed weight and estimated baggage, and scales at the ariport lead to the variance being charged or credited. Extra incentive to shift some weight for your hols!
  • The B.
    @BigBubba - let me guess, with that mentality I'm guessing you've got a Napoleon complex which is why you've included the word big in your name?
  • Bloke
    Only problem with that would be the 3-hour check-in queue before getting to security. And if I throw up or take a big dump on the plane (and it seems that someone always takes a big dump on a plane) do I get a refund?
  • Phil76
    I'm with Bloke on this, be nice to see a price on a website and know that's what you're paying. No extra taxes to add, no credit card surcharge, no luggage charge to add. If he's going for the variable prices depending when you book (which I guess he will) be nice if you could see the number of seats available at each price, but that ain't gonna happen
  • Paul
    @ Bloke Why? Scale for the bags, scale for you. Not likely to increase queue time. Would they stick an "over weight" tag on a heffer like they do on the bags?! No. AFAIK the dump will remain on the plane until they land and flush the waste. So your contribution to the weight will remain for the duration of the flight!
  • Bloke
    The extra weight wait would be down to: Collection of money, printing of VAT receipt, giving change, arguments over scales. Then they'd have to build new check-in areas to accommodate adequate weighing facilities for passengers of all shapes and sizes, including babies, the disabled, etc. I wonder who'd pay for that. The staff would have to be trained in use of credit card machines and/or cash tills. There'd be the costs of extra phone lines for the PDQ machines, cash collection charges. It's an unsustainable model
  • HateFatPeople
    charge per inch or kg of the passenger, fat people pay more!
  • Haggis1984
    Bored with talk about a persons weight and baggage weight etc, this is supposed to be revolutionary. I propose an 'UK's Next Top Model' esque panel of judges at check in. They rate each passenger's attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10. 10s travel free, 1s pay double and 2-9 pay on a sliding scale. The immediate benefit being less uggos on the beaches abroad.
  • Phil76
    @Haggis1984 Genius, but why stop there, let's go all Big Brother and allow people to "Evict" passengers from 30,000 feet :)
  • Dick
    I'd also like a real wood fuelled pizza oven on every flight. And free scotch. Lots of it.
  • bingobango
    I'm all for charging fat people more - but hardly fair to do it by weight now is it. What if you're pregnant, or a body-builder, or just a bit taller than most? Charging by the Kg wouldn't work. Its not practical. Agree that the price you see when you search for a flight should be the price you pay. Might force other airlines to follow suit.
  • LittleBubba
    Like Haggis's idea, but I think it's back to front. The beautiful people should pay more as they will be more well off for the unfair advantages their symmetrical features have given them. Ugly fuckers get on for less. Actually, how about letting ugly bastards fly out for free, but charging them several grand for the return trip? In fact - how about free for everyone, and £1m per flight for fucking toerag bankers?
  • Matt
    @bingobango - Actually, it's still fair to charge by the kilo, no matter the individual circumstances. Physics keeps the plane up- not Ethics.
  • M4RKM
    So a 5ft fat person will pay less than a 6ft thin person, because you're going to pay on weight, so an airline only for short people. Well, 26" pitch seats, and you can get more short people.
  • Delenn
    How about getting transatlantic flights going? There have been rumours for long enough.
  • Nick T.
    @bingobango Pregnant women shouldn't fly anyway, including any slappers who get pregnant whilst on holiday off some slimy Spanish/Greek waiter or pissed-up Manc bastard. They can stay out there so they're not a burden on the NHS/benefits system. As for bodybuilders, their brains will have shrunk through all the drugs so they won't notice paying more. Plus all that fake tan will need to be cleaned off the seats after they've used them, so a surcharge is more than fair.
  • Justin
    Anyone who has a Justin Bieber style haircut or some other stupid brushed forward hairdo that the 'yuff' seem to sport these days, should pay more to supplement the oldies who have more sense.
  • Zeddy
    What about replacing aviation fuel with friction power? Whenever I fly there are usually loads of wankers on the flight, standing constantly in the aisles and pushing the seat back right onto the lap of the passenger behind them. They also constantly ring for the attendant to come and massage their egos. We could put these wankers to better use by using their masturbatory powers to power the flight. Furious tugging at take-off and upon landing on the runway. The jism could be scooped up at the end and used as milk for the latte in the airport Starbucks. I think I might be onto something here....
  • Dick
    How about seats that don't tilt back, so no invading the space of the person behind.
  • al
    how about putting 2 sets on thin people on the one seat. that's a better business deal for stelios than charging for fat people. I thought this was about ideas at an industry level. My little contribution....set up base outside of the UK (overall fuel pricess would be cheaper, re-fuel else where, stop selling so much stuff and make sure the 1 item to take on-board is not a masive suit case, agree some deal with the post-office or other currier and change this for a reduced cost of the ticket price. Do a single language system for the crew independant from where the fly from or to. Agree a contract with pilots and crew for the next 10 years so that they cannot strike the next day....can't think of anymore just now.
  • Richard
    I'd like to see an airline ground all long haul flights on weekends and offer replacement bus services instead. If I can't afford to go back to NYC anytime soon then those who can should suffer :-)
  • james D.
    I have an idea, people get on at a controlled rate and if they fail to sit down within 30 seconds of reaching their seat they must pay a fine.
  • what t.
    Serious suggestions.... have a few rows of larger seating for bigger/taller people, BUT - only bigger people can reserve/buy them on the day at check-in. That way larger people can choose to pay a premium for more space/room and smaller people dont take up the bigger seats unneccesarily. This would be requested at booking and decided at check-in. But make it a reasonable cost - £20 or so... In flight entertainment - seat back long haul style. swipe your debit/credit card and for £3 you can watch a film/tv show - cost is offset by showing adverts Have total transparency with seat numbers and costs when booking. The first hundred are £30, the next hundred £45 and so forth... but have real time info on how many seats remain at the current price, have a clubcard type set up... your 10th flight is free. Have the option of an unlimited multitrip ticket - like a travelcard. Valid for 7/14/21 days, you jump on and off where you want (obviously pending seat availability). It'd make european trips good fun! Quiet flights where children, teenagers and drunk twats on stag do's are banned (or at least a designated quiet area of the plane - for those of us reading or snoozing and dont want kids screaming or drunk morons singing or trying to chat up the romanian air stewardess) seat numbered designated overhead luggage. You have your own personal overhead bin. I'm sick of getting on a plane, opening the overhead compartment up to put my bag up there, only to find some ass has stuck carrier bags full of fags and booze there. You are seat 'x' here is compartment 'x' for your personal baggage. This would also stop people bringing massive suitcases on board as the luggage compartment is only a certain size. Thats all I can think of right now
  • mike
    Majority flights....i.e. if everyone booking has no luggage you pay extra for luggage. If you're the only one with a baby, you pay extra etc... Then put "live" flight lists with who has booked and what they are bringing etc, so you can decide how you're gonna travel
  • chris
    random barrel rolls, decompressions or engine cuts on all flights carrying rowdy passengers of lower social class or intellect

What do you think?

Connect with Facebook, Twitter, or just enter your email to sign in and comment.

Your comment