Ryanair mean business

Bitterwallet - Ryanair ends mobile service Ryanair. You know them, the rascals. Well they're launching a business service.

Stop laughing.

In a bid to try and elevate their image and come across as a bit nicer, they've launched the business service in a bid to please the customer's need for better treatment.

Their "business plus" fares offer customers flexible tickets, more check-in baggage, priority boarding and "premium" seats – in the first five rows for quick boarding, or on exit rows with extra leg-room.

They reckon that business passengers already make up more than a quarter of its customers and that the new fares, starting at £59.99, were designed to get more of them. The rest of you can whistle while you get herded up.

Ryanair have admitted that they've been a bit slack, and generally annoying humanity in general and have since been getting their act together.

They've introduced allocated seating, relaxed cabin bag restrictions, reduced charges, and loosened booking conditions.

Chief marketing officer, Kenny Jacobs, says that the new tickets would not see larger seats or extra facilities, bar perhaps USB chargers on new planes: "We won't be introducing a blue curtain. Customers haven't asked us for the high business fares and facilities, they just want a bit of flexibility and a better schedule. The schedule is very oriented around business travellers: places like Madrid, Milan and Barcelona have three times daily returns, so they can travel there that morning and come back the same day."

The company has announced that it will be going to more city-centre airports too, including new routes from Stansted to Cologne, Edinburgh and Glasgow.

[insert joke about new routes from places NEAR Cologne, Glasgow etc]


  • Pie M.
    No big deal... my main reason for choosing Ryanair (on the rare occasions I can't avoid flying altogether) is that they're cheap, and I am invarably skint having blown all my readies on pies. That they're a bit shit most of the time is neither here nor there.
  • tin
    They can still fuck off.
  • Adolf H.
    I always fly Ryanair, as they are excellent for invading countries on the cheap. The new business tix mean we can check in a tank and a dozen rifles with each soldier - perfect for invasion purposes. Stitch that Benito Mussolini!
  • Benito M.
    Okay Adolf, you punk - I bet our tanks don't have one forward and 20 reverse gears... I haf two balls by the way - and you? Regards to Eva // Benito xx
  • Winston C.
    I only fly british airways (when I'm not fighting on the beaches of course)

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