Ryanair is great, selection of oddly-worded letters prove it

13 April 2010

In another hilarious outbreak of nonsense PR from Ryanair, the budget-budget airline announced yesterday it was seeking possession of a journalist's home after a failed bet. Sigh. In a column last week, Telegraph journalist Byrony Gordon commented:

"You never hear anybody casually mention that they have just flown with Ryanair, and that they really enjoyed it. I am willing to bet my flat and its contents that nobody has ever said the words “Ryanair”, “marvellous” and “service” in the same sentence."

On the basis of that throwaway comment, Ryanair's PR department stopped wanking like chimps just long enough to dream up more convoluted horseshit that organs like this love to lap up - they don't care if we criticise or praise, it's more brand awareness for them:

Ryanair confirmed that it is seeking possession of The Telegraph journalist Bryony Gordon’s ‘flat and contents’ after she wagered them (in an article dated 7th Apr), against anyone who could show that Ryanair passengers enjoyed their flights.

Ryanair receives thousands of letters each year from satisfied customers and publishes a small selection of these satisfaction letters on its website.

Alas, even if it was a serious threat, which it obviously isn't, it's a non-starter since not one sentence on the letters page does contain all the words mentioned above by Gordon. Flimsy PR waffle.

Obviously Ryanair chooses not to flag up the metric fuckton of negative correspondence it must receive, but let's take a closer look at that letters page of Ryanair. The letters are reasonably up-todate, and it appears that plenty of the feedback is very closely aligned with the airline's own outlook on ancillary charges and how passengers should be treated. What a crazy coincidence:

I am writing with positive feedback about my recent journey with you. A friend had travelled with you previously and I took their advice over the BBC’s.

The whole booking process was very clear and easy to follow, as was the online check-in. I decided later to add Priority Boarding and completed this at the airports and this was a very easy matter.

I had heard so many negative comments about Ryanair, I chose to travel with you on the basis of cost and convenient flight times.

In particular I was impressed by the following:

1. All your instructions were concise and easy to print off
2. You were very clear about your guidance on the carriage of electric wheelchairs.
3. You provided a dedicated telephone line for information on hand luggage & disability

I love your way to keep it lean, your safe and clean flights and your on-time record.

Ps. Do charge more for fat people — they are hard as co-passengers...

As a business traveller where timeliness and efficiency have been my key criteria I have found the service over the last several months to be repeatedly excellent.

As an added bonus I have also been very impressed by the low cost and have continually been able to secure very reasonably priced tickets. The sole exception being the time I forgot to book a ticket and had to pay €250 on the day, which was entirely my fault!

Yes, somebody compliments Ryanair for charging him €250 for an hour-long flight. In fact, nearly all the letters praise Ryanair for features and services, rather than describe the benefit they enjoyed as a result, which is odd since customers are usually compelled to provide feedback (positive or negative) based on an emotional experience, not a rational assessment. It's as if the letters feel were written by robots. Or PR people.

Our favourite of all:

You should cut down on passengers cabin baggage size. The overhead lockers were too full, due to oafs wishing to bring the kitchen sink. I counted four people access this cabin baggage during the outward flight. Charge them more.

So if Ryanair follow the lead of Sprint Airlines in the US and begin charging for cabin baggage, it'll be because customers demanded it. Brilliant. It really is the most feckless collection of company feedback you'll ever read.

One final piece of Ryanair news - the Telegraph reports that Ryanair's ancilliary charges have risen 700% in the last four years - Europe's guaranteed lowest fares doesn't mean guaranteed lowest cost flights, which is of course why Ryanair word it so. Such a statistic backs up a rather sharp jibe by Gordon, who notes the continued popularity of Ryanair is comparable with Stockholm Syndrome - "or in this case, 20 miles outside Stockholm Syndrome".

TOPICS:   Travel


  • rob
    even if the guy did make a bet, it was an open comment and didn't say who he made the bet with specifically. so Ryanair shouldn't be entitled to anything
  • choppergray
    What a great big pile of tit wank
  • David
    I think the service Ryanair provides is marvellous. Now where do I get my free flat?
  • kev
    I think the service with Aer Lingus is marvellous, unlike Ryanair. I get the free flat because I wasnt lying
  • Grammar N.
    But analingus is always good, and is an unfair comparison.
  • GTom
    I think they should adopt that logo on all of their aircraft tails.........
  • andy y.
    Paul did Skycaptain throw you in the school skip? For god's sake let's campaign to ban Ryanair from the UK and use those stupid cunts at BA. Sorry got to rush off to Alicante for £24.99 from my local airport ,guess who with?
  • David N.
    One problem with the journalist's comment is that he has written all three words in one sentence...therefore if the bet was a real one, he would have lost straight away.
  • Paul S.
    Let me know how much that £24.99 flight to Alicante is going to cost a family of four in August, then get back to me.
  • brianair
    In all seriousness, I fly with Ryanair every two to three weeks and apart from the odd delay have never had a problem. I just bring hand luggage, never buy anything on the plane - straight on straight off job done. Most expensive flight I have purchased has been £80 return, cheapest £0.01 absolute bargain. Had a visa electron, signed up for a pre paid mastercard with no hassle! Superb stuff!
  • Skymarshall
    Paul, I believe £24.99 is £24.99 regardless of the time of year. So I would imagine it'll be 24.99 * 4 = £99.96. Thanks again You friend, Skymarshall
  • Paul S.
    Thanks Skymarshall, but I didn't say fare, I said flight.The two aren't the same thing.
  • Dwayne P.
    @Paul I think what Skymarshall is trying to say that a £24.99 flight in August will cost £24.99. You have a family of four so multiply... Perhaps you meant £24.99 flight now will cost in August?
  • Paul S.
    What I meant was that a £24.99 fare to Alicante in August will cost far more than £24.99. The cost of a fare isn't the same as the cost of the flight, because there are the ancillary fees on top of a fare.
  • Skymarshall
    I know what you meant, I was just being a tosser! :) True to my name..
  • Brian
    Rude picture.
  • Timmo
  • Mr G.
    Bryony Gordon clearly lost her bet - to herself, having used all three aforementioned words in the same sentence. Thus she has safeguarded the possession of said flat and contents. Typical journalist trickery! I call shenanigans on her, slagging off a national treasure without risking anything herself.
  • M-ASH
    a £24.99 flight is always £24.99 no matter when or where. how much would the flight be in August is the question. Paul don't try to justify what you would publish if a company said.
  • stevo
    "What I meant was that a £24.99 fare to Alicante in August will cost far more than £24.99." read that again, it make no sense, a £24.99 flight is always £24.99 in august, or any other month. what you meant was the fare will cost more than £24.99 in August.
  • seb
    "Let me know how much that £24.99 flight to Alicante is going to cost a family of four in August, then get back to me." Oh.....i get you.....its a trick question. The answer is £24.99 because you tell us the answer in your question. How do I claim my prize. Any reply will be treated as an admission of guilt.
  • Adolph
    I do like the logo on the tail fin! Yummy! If I fly with Ryanair and I don't get screwed, can I complain?

What do you think?

Connect with Facebook, Twitter, or just enter your email to sign in and comment.

Your comment