Ryanair is great, selection of oddly-worded letters prove it
In another hilarious outbreak of nonsense PR from Ryanair, the budget-budget airline announced yesterday it was seeking possession of a journalist's home after a failed bet. Sigh. In a column last week, Telegraph journalist Byrony Gordon commented:
"You never hear anybody casually mention that they have just flown with Ryanair, and that they really enjoyed it. I am willing to bet my flat and its contents that nobody has ever said the words “Ryanair”, “marvellous” and “service” in the same sentence."
On the basis of that throwaway comment, Ryanair's PR department stopped wanking like chimps just long enough to dream up more convoluted horseshit that organs like this love to lap up - they don't care if we criticise or praise, it's more brand awareness for them:
Ryanair confirmed that it is seeking possession of The Telegraph journalist Bryony Gordon’s ‘flat and contents’ after she wagered them (in an article dated 7th Apr), against anyone who could show that Ryanair passengers enjoyed their flights.
Ryanair receives thousands of letters each year from satisfied customers and publishes a small selection of these satisfaction letters on its website.
Alas, even if it was a serious threat, which it obviously isn't, it's a non-starter since not one sentence on the letters page does contain all the words mentioned above by Gordon. Flimsy PR waffle.
Obviously Ryanair chooses not to flag up the metric fuckton of negative correspondence it must receive, but let's take a closer look at that letters page of Ryanair. The letters are reasonably up-todate, and it appears that plenty of the feedback is very closely aligned with the airline's own outlook on ancillary charges and how passengers should be treated. What a crazy coincidence:
I am writing with positive feedback about my recent journey with you. A friend had travelled with you previously and I took their advice over the BBC’s.
The whole booking process was very clear and easy to follow, as was the online check-in. I decided later to add Priority Boarding and completed this at the airports and this was a very easy matter.
I had heard so many negative comments about Ryanair, I chose to travel with you on the basis of cost and convenient flight times.
In particular I was impressed by the following:
1. All your instructions were concise and easy to print off
2. You were very clear about your guidance on the carriage of electric wheelchairs.
3. You provided a dedicated telephone line for information on hand luggage & disability
I love your way to keep it lean, your safe and clean flights and your on-time record.
Ps. Do charge more for fat people — they are hard as co-passengers...
As a business traveller where timeliness and efficiency have been my key criteria I have found the service over the last several months to be repeatedly excellent.
As an added bonus I have also been very impressed by the low cost and have continually been able to secure very reasonably priced tickets. The sole exception being the time I forgot to book a ticket and had to pay €250 on the day, which was entirely my fault!
Yes, somebody compliments Ryanair for charging him €250 for an hour-long flight. In fact, nearly all the letters praise Ryanair for features and services, rather than describe the benefit they enjoyed as a result, which is odd since customers are usually compelled to provide feedback (positive or negative) based on an emotional experience, not a rational assessment. It's as if the letters feel were written by robots. Or PR people.
Our favourite of all:
You should cut down on passengers cabin baggage size. The overhead lockers were too full, due to oafs wishing to bring the kitchen sink. I counted four people access this cabin baggage during the outward flight. Charge them more.
So if Ryanair follow the lead of Sprint Airlines in the US and begin charging for cabin baggage, it'll be because customers demanded it. Brilliant. It really is the most feckless collection of company feedback you'll ever read.
One final piece of Ryanair news - the Telegraph reports that Ryanair's ancilliary charges have risen 700% in the last four years - Europe's guaranteed lowest fares doesn't mean guaranteed lowest cost flights, which is of course why Ryanair word it so. Such a statistic backs up a rather sharp jibe by Gordon, who notes the continued popularity of Ryanair is comparable with Stockholm Syndrome - "or in this case, 20 miles outside Stockholm Syndrome".