Premier Inn cash in on Royal Wedding nonsense with frightening corpse bed sheets
You might not actually meet another human who is thrilled at the prospect of a Royal Wedding, but that isn't stopping every single stinking company in Britain jumping on the bandwagon to produce a variety of spectacular tat.
The latest PR peddlers are Premier Inns, who, when they're not making giant beds for Lenny Henry because he makes their standard ones look so tiny, are creating chilling ‘royal wedding bedding’ which allows idiots to climb in bed and look like Kate Middleton and Prince William's cadavers are lying lifeless over yours.
Some infuriating dimwit has decided that it would be a good idea to print off life-size images of our lizard men rulers in a bid to give us the most awful night terrors ever.
If you're one of those twerps who squeals "Ooooh! It's just a bit of fun isn't it? And besides, we all love a wedding don't we?", you'll be thrilled to learn that you can request these fucking covers on the night of April 28th. Sadly, we can no longer behead people like you.
Premier Inn will no doubt want you to feel 'like Royalty', but once you've spent three hours chewing one of their breakfasts, you'll be acutely aware that they actually expect to treat you like cattle. Brilliant.