New trains made from British Siemens

New trains are going to appear on British tracks, but a stir was caused after a load of foreign manufacturers started bidding for the jobs. Just how many jobs are going to be generated for British workers? Well, that's the question on the lips of a director at German giant Siemens.

See, the Government (less arsed about British jobs) awarded Siemens a £1.5bn contract to build 1,140 train carriages and, noticing the uproar, the Germans stated that they would create 2,000 jobs in the UK with this work.

And this is what they'll be building. By the looks of it, an old train with a shell on top.


Steve Scrimshaw, managing director of rail systems for Siemens, said: "There is definitely a big push to look at what you can do to help regenerate the economy. Going forward, that focus is going to be on even more. If you look at what London Underground and Crossrail have done, they are all trying to demonstrate the spend in the UK market.”

The new Thameslink carriages (due 2016) are being built in Germany but many components are being sourced from the UK.

Rail minister, Stephen Hammond, unveiled the new train and took a swipe at Europe in the process, saying that no-one can guarantee big contracts like this can stay in the UK thanks to European procurement laws.

Still, doesn't matter because no-one will be able to afford train tickets soon, so they should probably spend the money on fixing the roads for us all to drive on instead.

[Yes, the headline doesn't quite work, but  we were determined to crowbar in something that sounded like a train was made from spunk]


  • God
    Surely that should read "By British Seimen workers" If they were made FROM them, they would be soft and sticky and start to smell.
  • God
    Oh dear, another correction - will this persona also get banned??
  • JROK
    Just like "God" said - made FROM British workers???? Does it look like this? Mof, you're a fecking eejit!
  • Captain W.
    I thought you were omnipotent?
  • Dacouch
    My Brother in Law used to work for Siemens at their Staines branch and yes they genuinely answered the phone "Hello Siemens Staines"
  • Dacouch
    My Brother in Law used to work for Siemens at their Staines branch and yes they genuinely answered the phone "Hello Siemens Staines"
  • badger
    We heard you the first time.
  • Captain C.
    I read it, badger.
  • God
    I would shout "imposter", but as I cant post using the CC/email combo I wont bother; just remember folks EVERY other Captain Cretin on the interwebs is me ... (Except for that fellow on the Singapore expats website).
  • Captain C.
    No, I'm Captain Cretin. YOU are the imposter.
  • Captain C.
    You cretin!
  • Merkin G.
    get rid of the feral torooolylllyyyyy
  • OlPeculier
    Badger, back you up with a small correction, it was Siemens (slight pause, small cough) Staines
  • God
    They are blocking on email address; just had another one blocked after using the same addy a few times- still no explanation on why I have been black listed. Luckily, I have access to several hundred million others - and spoofed ip's if they try that. Any editor care to comment??
  • Big M.
    @God. My email address is '[email protected]
  • Big M.
    They do block on IP's too. Router reboot, carry on. I imagine Chewbacca's work has a static IP so he can't post his shit on here day in day out any longer. The Jock cunt.
  • God
    Sometime in the last 24 hours, the last few posts to this thread have been deleted- including my repeated requests that the editing staff give an explanation as to why I am being blocked. Why?? You realise you have blown your legal defence if a case of perjury or defamation is made against the website over something posted??

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