Manchester Airport to send you through security naked


You know that horrible clawing feeling you get when you approach airport security? That feeling that you're probably going to make something beep and you'll end up hearing the sickening snap of a latex glove being pulled on over your shoulder? Even though you know you're not secreting a huge bomb (or maybe you are, having read some of the comments), your hands go clammy and you gulp like a nervous cartoon character.

Well, that feeling could increase tenfold as passengers will now step through a Stargate portal that electronically undresses you until you're completely naked.

Mercifully, it isn't a case of Dr Octopus style arms tearing your clothes off, but rather, a scanner that x-rays you and takes an image of you in the nip. Of course, this means that airport staff will be able to see if you've got knives strapped to your chest, but it also means that, with this full-body scanner - actually being trialled at Manchester airport - security will be able to see a very clear outline of your genitals.

The scan will show a black and white image (it'll probably be in HD after a while, such is technology) of you which will be seen by one officer in a remote location before it is deleted according to someone at Manchester Airport called Sarah Barrett. She didn't say whether they'd be furiously masturbating or not. Probably not having walked around Britain with my eyes open.

Of course, in theory, this means that the whole security check-in process will be sped up as you won't have to remove your coat/belt/shoes/false leg.

These scanners have been trialled before at Heathrow airport in 2004 and The Department for Transport will decide whether to install them permanently at the end of the trial, which is expected to last for a year.

If you don't want anyone seeing your massive girth or fake knockers, you can refuse the virtual strip and have a trad. arr. pat down instead.

[via Guardian]


  • Paddy
    I'm waiting for the iphone App that allows me to see people naked. All hail the Jesus phone!
  • CompactDstrxion
    What about children? Are we going to take naked photos of them now?
  • Me
    For everything you have to take off you may as well be bloody naked.
  • Gunn
    Ah give it enough time and it will all be automated but in the meantime I bet someone leaks photos on the net.
  • Emma
    Reminds me of Total Recall.
  • NobbyB
    > security will be able to see a very clear outline of your genitals. I hope they have a 48inch monitor.
  • iCock
    Bah. I go *everywhere* naked anyway.
  • pete d.
    Is that to fit your imagination in NobbyB?
  • Brian
    Hi, my name is Brian. I'd like a job at the airport so i could check out the assets of that Theresa McQueen chick from Hollyoaks (or any chick that is HOT)
  • goon
    yeah fire loads of xrays into me thanks you fucktards
  • pauski
    @ Brian, we have had this kind of security - for ages, your profile is small cock.
  • Allan W.
    I understand this scanner uses Xrays. X-rays are dangerous, so if ever I go through customs and am asked to go through the X-ray machine. I will respond with I would rather strip naked in front of everyone than be exposed to Xrays. If there is a medical reason making an X-ray necessary then fine, but in an airport. No thank you.
  • Spencer
    You realise, because it is optional, any man standing in the patting down line rather than the scan line may just as well wear a T-shirt with "I have a tiny cock" printed on it. Personally, I couldnt give 2 shits if someone see's me nude. we're all the same animal, with the same bits, just get on with it and stop acting like an 11yr old.
  • Spencer
    oh and allan... the amount of radiation emitted is nominal. you can go through these things 20 times a day, 365 days a year with absolutely no risk. You are exposed to more radiation in front of a tv.
  • skyman
    I like to show my cock off, I expect i will try to get through an extra time. I think it would be good to touch yourself while they Xray you.

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