Journeys on Chiltern Railways now some kind of fairground ROFL-ride
The daily rail commute can be unbearable for some of us, so we all should all be thankful to Chiltern Railways for their injection of some much-needed forced jollity into their service. They’ve enlisted hilarity-merchant Tony Robinson to come up with some new scripts for staff to read out as announcements, in an attempt to lighten proceedings and turn those passengers’ frowns upside down.
Here’s some of the rib-ticklers that Robinson has come up with, in association with Green Wing writer Richard Preddy. We’re sure you’ll find them all hilarious…
• ‘Welcome to Marylebone. If you’ve travelled to London for a business meeting later, today’s recommended meaningless phrases are “blue sky thinking,” “moving forward,” and “low-hanging fruit”.’
• ‘Welcome to London Marylebone. Would any passengers hoping to sell their cow for a handful of magic beans please make their way to Jack and the Beanstalk immediately.’
• ‘If there is a Mr Mowgli on the station, Mr Mowgli you have the following message. “Ooh, oobee doo. I wanna be like you. I wanna walk like you. Talk like you, too.” That was a message for Mr Mowgli, thank you.’
• ’For any passengers who’ve not visited London before, do please prepare yourselves for the capital’s overwhelmingly calm and relaxing pace of life.’
• ‘Our next station stop is Bicester, which is the second most wrongly pronounced station on this line, above Haddenham and Thame, but behind London Marlbon. Marlybon. Mary Lee Bone. You know what I mean.’
• ‘Soon we will be passing Warwick Parkway’s famous herd of alpacas. There are rumours that one of them is actually Gareth Gates in a costume. Can you spot him?’
• ‘Next stop: Banbury, which is famous for its canals. It’s a little known fact that Banbury actually has fewer canals than Venice!’
• ‘You are advised that listening to loud music can annoy other passengers. Other ways to annoy them are to block the exits, push onto the train, or call everyone you meet “Denise”.’
Got any suggestions of your own, readers?