HotUKDeals Of The Day - Thursday 30th October

More sparkling bargains as spotted by the sparkling bargain spotters at HotUKDeals. Plenty more over there if you like the look of these ‘uns.

Today, how to have a cheapo pre-Christmas wedding. Step one – the cake. Not as important as you’d think. People like to see the cake cut and they like to get some to take home. Doesn’t need to be the same cake – they’ll be too drunk to notice.

Anyway, you can currently get a traditional 3-tier wedding cake for the obscenely low price of just £12.00. Yes, that’s right, we didn’t miss a zero off. Twelve quid. Obviously not subject to the mysterious ‘wedding tax’ that wildly inflates the cost of anything nuptial-related. Find out more here.

Step two – the booze. This is very important. Give your guests enough of this and they won’t give a toss whether your cake is made of sponge, coconut, carrot or cardboard.

Give them booze that’s too strong and you’re guaranteed a string of fights in the car park. But ply them with the new 4% Stella Artois and everything should run smoothly, and most of your guests will believe they’re sober enough to drive home afterwards. 15 cans for a fiver here.

Lastly, the honeymoon. Bet you’ve always dreamed of consummating your marriage at the De Vere Belton Woods in Lincolnshire haven’t you? But it’s got three PGA-approved golf courses and a leisure club! Start as you mean to continue by fostering separate interests from day one.

For just £85 per room, per night, you’ll get full English breakfast, 3-course dinner, unlimited golf and a room upgrade to the highest room type available at time of booking. Now all you need to do is nick some flowers from the local cemetery and make the rings out of a couple of salt and vinegar Hula Hoops and you’re sorted. We’ll give it a year at the most. I mean, let's face it, you've got nothing in common with each other have you?

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