High-speed rail to 'make £44bn for Britain' provided you can afford a ticket

A train so fast that it has already gone

Huzzah! We're going to get a really fast rail network which will get us to places we don't necessarily want to go to, faster. Provided, of course, we can afford a train ticket in the first place and we're not standing all the way in an overly cramped carriage!

The romance of the rails is not dead folks!

And our Transport Secretary (who cares what they are actually called?) is fizzing with excitement about it all, presumably not prepared for the inevitable kicking he'll be getting when the government overspends on it and falls behind a million deadlines to get it bloody finished.

The Politician Who We Can't Be Bothered Remembering The Name Of, thinks that this new line was “vital to the prosperity of future generations.” Or, perhaps, a more clean and efficient was of ending our lives as we hurl ourselves under the wheels of high speed trains.

The Department for Transport has confirmed that this new route will run from Euston to an interchange outside Birmingham before splitting into two, with one track running to Manchester and the other to Leeds. Linked up with other lines, this - should it all work out as planned - will shave off journey times to other major cities like Liverpool, Newcastle, Glasgow and Edinburgh by an hour.

The great news is that this will all be finished in 2026, by which time, some mad fucker with a secret nuclear arsenal will have wiped-out humankind as we know it.

The Transport Man think that, should we survive as a species, this line will generate £44 billion in benefits over 60 years (in 60 years, £44 billion will probably be equivalent to a tube of Smarties or getting a new name tag from the New World Order).

He blithered on: "We must invest in Britain’s future. High speed rail offers us a once-in-a-generation opportunity to transform the way we travel in the 21st century and would help us build a modern economy fit for the future. Countries across Europe and Asia are already pressing ahead with ambitious plans for high speed rail, while some of our key rail arteries are getting ever closer to capacity. We cannot afford to be left behind – investing in high speed rail now is vital to the prosperity of future generations."


  • Grow U.
    Hey - grow up. Stop being a pessimist. Aviation and vehical fuel will run out one day (not too far away, we're approaching peak oil imminently) and travelling in the UK will become slower that it was before the war. We need new technologies, and new rail will generate thousands of jobs, help stimulate the economy (look at Japan's success) and reduce our reliance on foreign oil.
  • Idi A.
    Anything that makes it faster to get out of London is worth it.
  • TeflonMan
    Mof - I suggest you take a ride on the German ICE train or the French Thalys. Then come back and tell us if you still think it's not worth the investment. Agreed that this investment should have started over here 20 years ago, but that's no excuse for ignoring the issue for the future. A moan without showing up an alternative is not really much good.
  • Paul C.
    What makes rail travel fustrating is the price. Exorbitantly expensive in relation to the service you receive. I'm all for greener travel, especially when the train can get me there in half the time of the bus, but I'm not willing to shellout half my life savings in the process.
  • Rob
    Flying is much better, its cheaper, faster and you can get up to go for a piss without losing your seat. Airports, while a rip off are at least clean and warm. I've never been to a clean and warm train station in this country. They would be better off building some nice new motorways and letting people drive quickly for distances where its not worth flying.
  • Lunar J.
    > We must invest in Britain’s future. High speed rail offers us a once-in-a-generation opportunity to transform the way we travel in the 21st century They should invest in jetpacs. That would be 21st century travel.
  • Pedant
    Its not exactly 21st Century travel. Trains have been around since the 19th Century. This is just a jazzed up faster version of the same old shit. I'm with Lunar Jetman to be quite honest. "Transform the way we travel" my arse.

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