High speed rail coming by 2025 - boring!

11 March 2010

Jet Pac

Plans for a high-speed rail network are due to be unveiled later today, with £2 billion to be spent every year for more than a decade readying a super-fast connection between London and Birmingham by 2025.

The suave-sounding-but-actually-not-suave-in-the-slightest transport chief Lord Adonis will unveil the plans today, and he’s expected to announce a space-age link that will reduce a journey between the capital and the hub of the Midlands to the speed of a blink of an eye. Well, around 50 minutes.

The new track will be able to handle trains capable of speeds of up to 250mph with 18 trains an hour ferrying 20,000 folk between London and Brum, possibly whether they like it or not.

It is believed that the line would branch off in two directions from Birmingham, with one running west of the Pennines to Manchester and on to Scotland and the other going east through Sheffield, Leeds and Newcastle.

The Conservatives are already opposing the plans, suggesting that Heathrow should be included in the scheme and proposing an admittedly more exciting-sounding reverse S-shaped line from London to Birmingham, Manchester and Leeds.

What everyone has failed to take into account is that by 2025, the personal high-speed jet packs that the 21st century promised us must surely have been perfected and we’ll all be racing through the skies at hundreds of miles an hour in a land where dark skies and sleep have been eradicated.

Idiots.

TOPICS:   Travel   UK News

18 comments

  • Nobby
    They had a jetpack at the '84 Olympics (when I was probably playing jetpac or lunar jetman). Why haven't they appeared in the shops in the last 26 years? Oh, and fuck using the train, it is cheaper to fly.
  • PaulH
    Balls to that...They just need to get the fat people who take up 2 seats and stink off the trains making it slightly bearable for the rest of us...
  • Fella-Tio
    so high speed trains.... fares to go up, delays up, then there will be a crash with no survivors at that speed and then the whole network will fall apart due to dodgy tracks again they should scrap them all and start again
  • The B.
    Ultimate - play the game
  • Laurz
    A ridiculous amount of money and time frame. I could build a train track by hand from london to birmingham in less than 15 years and for less than £2b. It wont really benefit anyone anyway. Other than those few people that travel to london regularly for work nobody cares if it takes 50 minutes to get there or 2 hours. The rest of us have no desire at all to go to that shithole full of homeless beggers and rats. Nice to know that our house prices will be going up though as all the londoners move to nicer areas and catch the train in instead. How about instead of spending billions on london every two minutes this government realised that theres a whole country out there and spent a bit on the rest of it?
  • lidds
    @laurz well said !!
  • Fella-Tio
    @ Laurz well fucking said!
  • Nobby
    Yeah, the money would be better spent on faster broadband. That would allow much better multi-way video conferencing, and reduce the need to travel for work.
  • Mark
    'I could build a train track by hand from london to birmingham in less than 15 years and for less than £2b.' Go on then - this I've got to see. :-)
  • Laurz
    @Mark - In a straight line going directly from london to birmingham you would have to lay 29 sleepers a day to finish the railway line in 15 years. Working 5 hours a day thats around 4 an hour (working between 7 and 8 hours a day). chucking a sleeper on the ground and bolting abit of metal to it every 15 minutes? Easy :D lol Seriously though it just shows that with a bigger team of professionals they should be able to get something like this done MUCH quicker if it wasnt for the usual case of having a meeting about it then having a meeting to discuss that meeting then having one to discuss the previous two, thne one to discuss making plans and so on. Like Nobby said though the money should be spent giving us faster broadband that will benefit all of us and not just the select few londoners.
  • Mark
    @Laurz You're assuming that there is nothing in the way of laying the tracks. In this tiny over populated country we live in there will be all sorts of stuff blocking the way which needs to be worked around, over, under or through. A very costly exercise.
  • Jonny S.
    Am I missing something here? Chavs
  • Laurz
    Who are you talking to/about Jonny? And I know Mark, I was just being flippant. Lets face it though, 15 years and £2b is ridiculous
  • zacspeed
    ".....reverse S-shaped line from London to Birmingham...." That'll be a "Z" then?
  • The B.
    "It wont really benefit anyone anyway. Other than those few people that travel to london regularly for work nobody cares if it takes 50 minutes to get there or 2 hours. The rest of us have no desire at all to go to that shithole full of homeless beggers and rats." Funny, most of the country feels exactly the same about Birmingham.
  • Warwick H.
    Nowt but a pre elction soundbyte from a bankrupt and dysfunctional government who hopefully will have disappeared up the own arse when this comes around - if ever.
  • Mark
    @ Laurz How about £2 billion a year with a total final cost of £30 billion. Is that ridiculous enough for you? It's going to provide 10,000 jobs though and return £2 for every £1 spent. It's a smashing investment in other words.
  • Nobby
    I'm not sure why people are saying this is for Londoners. Londoners are highly unlikely to want to go to Birmingham or beyond. It is for people on the route to get to London faster. That doesn't help Londoners. In fact, think of all those London-based jobs for local Londoners that will be lost to skanky midlanders that will do the same work for peanuts and a blow job off the cleaner.

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