"Hello, this is Andy's car - he's just crashed into a tree. The idiot."
Back when we were much younger, we dreamed of one day owning a car like Michael Knight’s KITT, one that would drive itself while delivering a series of withering, sarcastic putdowns to us just in case the idea of owning such a car had made us too big for our cowboy boots.
That dream still hasn’t been realised but we’re one step nearer with the news that the forthcoming new Audi A8 will dial 999 if you have a crash in it. It’s an enormous boon, and God knows we’re always on the look out for enormous boons these days.
Qualcomm are the brainiacs behind the idea, and the cars will be fitted with wireless tech and impact sensors, letting the car alert the emergency services in the event of a prang. Hopefully there’ll be some common sense applied as well and you won’t get a fleet of ambulances turning up when you accidentally reverse into a bollard while attempting a three point turn.
The new, improved A8 will also add 3G connectivity to the car’s Mobile Media Interface, providing rootin’ tootin’ 3D satellite imagery, real time route planning, location-specific points of interest or local restaurant reviews, as well as up-to-the-minute traffic information and every single episode of Bewitched. Apart from every single episode of Bewitched of course - it's not a frigging miracle car.
A self-driving, attitude-heavy gobshite car that criticises our haircuts can only be months away, surely?