Fatties AND stinkers no longer welcome on planes


Throughout all of the recent furore over fat people being chucked off aeroplanes, one question has remained unasked. Namely – what about all the smelly bastards? Why aren’t they being asked to disembark before take-off?

Now, as airlines slowly morph into airbound Aryan mini-states, it’s starting to happen. It’s game over for the stinkers and the precedent has been set by regional Canadian airline Jazz Air. Nice.

CNN report that a passenger with strong body odour was asked to get off a Jazz flight a couple of weeks ago because he was stinking the whole thing out. An eye witness reported that: “People were just mumbling and staring at him. It was a very uncomfortable situation.”

One other, less tactful, passenger described the whiff on the plane as “brutal.” Jazz Air flim-flammed out some meaningless waffle that included the phrases “safety and comfort,” “resolve a situation” and “may become necessary” when asked about the whole thing, something that seems a little less than groovy, given their name.

What’s next? An odour detector for passengers to pass through as part of security? A good hosing down with some Ambi Pur for those who don’t make the grade? Mid-flight ejections for those who sweat profusely while in confined spaces? And just how cool could the Jazz Air in-flight entertainment really be? Your thoughts are kind of welcome…



  • piggy
    Yay, finally!
  • Joff
    So you leave home at 2am to drive the 50 miles to the airport in time for your 4am check-in. You then sit in the departure lounge for another hour, or more depending on if your flight is delayed. Then you're told you can go to the gate, where you wait for another hour. By the time you're on the plane you're already a bit husky but it's not too noticeable. Fast forward through 8 hours of sitting in a cramped seat with your arms pinned to your side, then through the terminal within an hour whilst waiting for your connecting flight. More hours spent cultivating armpit bacteria. So by the time you land, you've probably been in cramped conditions and without a decent wash for 14-odd hours. Then again some people are just dirty.
  • Anon
    Can we bring these conditions in for Tube trains as well?
  • GMC
    Fatties and Stinkies are not welcome anywhere, so no problem in not allowing them to fly. It's fairly straightforward, on't stuff your face with more than you need and wash. Simples.
  • piggy
    If someone's stinking the whole plane out after 14 hours, then I think they have a serious problem... And he got kicked off before the flight took off, not after landing!
  • Nobby
    You can get small roll-on deoderants, and you can take these through security checks. I've had to sit next to smelly people before and ended up moving due to the smell.
  • Ranky R.
    The dude has probably been back-packing, roughing it or something... probably hasn't washed his knickers for a few days. A couple of days without a shower and most of us would stink.
  • Gunn
    Just need a giant Glade plugin for the air system. Still how to combat the person beside you eating Cheese & Onion crisps.....
  • Dave D.
    There is no excuse for bad personal hygiene in this day and age, regardless of how long you have spent on a plane or in an airport lounge. As for the fat people. I have no problem with them flying, but they should have to pay for two seats instead of me having to accomodate half their flab on my lap for a journey.
  • I was on a plane back in 2003 where this woman got chucked off for stinking. Literally, it was fucking eye-watering. Like she'd shat herself and not washed for a month. After much tutting and mumbling from fellow passengers, the air stewardesses slung the bitch off. Then again, this was a flight from Jamaica so there was good chance she had three pounds of coke stuffed up her growler and didn't want to get searched.
  • the l.
    If thirty percent of the population is obese, then there is a great business opportunity for someone to start an airline that would cater to this demographic. There could be one seat on each side, and a turkey frier in each galley. Skinny people would pay a massive surcharge to fly, and would be confined to the overhead bins. There would be twinkys avilable at all times, and the plane would be equipped with oversize balloon tires for safe landings. There would also be airscoops mounted to ther fuselage to provide an air exchange every 30 seconds. To view an image of the aircraft to be used by “Chunky Stinky Butt Airlines” google “NASA Super Guppy”.
  • Tom
    Take a shower you fat smelly whore
  • The B.
    Or, contrary to Joffs opinion, I get up at 6:30, by 7 my Addison Lee cab is outside, I get into it, he drives me to Gatwick/Heathrow, both are half an hour away, I then check in half an hour before my European flight with hand luggage if I'm on business or 2 hours before if Worldwide on pleasure, go to the nice exec lounge (actually they’re a rip off but the company pays for the card so what do I care?), put my feet up, have a bite to eat, a quick sup then hop on the plane to wherever, all very civilised.
  • Nobby
    @logger - that idea wouldn't work, as there would be less fat people per flight than usual, and fat people are some of the tightest cunts around, since they spend most of their money on feeding their habit. To get it to work, they would need to pack the fatties in tightly to make enough money. However, they could do away with seats completely. So long as they packed the fatties in tight so they were touching, then there would not be any need for seats or safety harnesses, since they would keep each other upright. They would not invade each other's personal space, since they are so fat, their guts would keep them at least an arms length away from each other. The only downside is if one of them moved quickly (maybe attracted by the smell of a burger that someone had smuggled on to the plane), and starts of a jelly wobble that would propagate through the whole plane and keep going for hours.
  • Brian
    Brian here. I've recently suffered the problem of "cheese on the knob" (due to the, temporary, lack of sex). Can i get thrown off the plane, or will the (female) stewardess offer to wash it for me? Thanks
  • Brian, in response to your question - almost certainly. It's taken as read that these sorts of services are included in the exorbitant ticket price. Why not ask at the desk next time you check in? If not a stewardess, I'm sure there'll be a steward or two willing to help. HTH.
  • raptorcigs
    will it be us crips next?
  • Mohnwaffelteig
    lusciously! *). Thank you for sharing
  • Boeing c.
    [...] Fatties AND stinkers no longer welcome on planes | BitterWallet [...]
  • Zleet
    Hmmmmm..... So having spent 15 hours on two different planes and having had no sleep for almost two days because the cheap flights left at 5am then switching to my third connection I have to deal with beating to death some c*nt that deems me to 'stinky'.
  • Glasgow T.
    I like sitting next to fatties and stinkers on planes.. it gives me a sense of warmth... my wife is fat and she stinks... if you want pics email me much love, Terry Tibs
  • Fire
    I wish they would eject some of the foul smelling sods that frequent Morrisons....though keeps my weight down can't think about buying food when the smell of some skanks snatch is wafting up the aisle

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