Chav Free Holidays - Leave Your Air Rifle At Home

Who fancies some class warfare? Middle class warfare? Oh yeah! That’s right, the well-heeled are fighting back, most notably in the shape of Northumberland-based holiday company Activities Abroad.

They’ve put out a promotional email to the 24,000 people on their database, plugging ‘chav-free holidays’ including lists of names “you are likely to encounter” on one of their breaks. It’s Alices, Josephs and Charles aplenty but you probably won’t run into any Britneys, Chantelles or Dazzas.

To date, just 11 of those 24,000 have complained, which probably means that Activities Abroad know their customer base pretty well, enough to be able to get away with what could potentially be a Ratners-style PR catastrophe.

One dissenter goes by the name of Candice. She moaned, "I own my own business, have a Post Graduate Degree an Undergraduate Degree, 4 A-Levels, an Advanced Diploma in Life Skills, a Diploma in Performance Coaching, GCSE's, speak French and Italian and drive a Merc. Happy slap that you idiot."

Bet she drinks meths in bus stops in the evenings though.


  • Mike H.
    Candice, let's break it down into managable chunks for you to take on easily, 1. Your name, Candice, It's a chavs name. 2. You own your own business, probably an Ann Summers Representative, chavs business 3. A Post Graduate degree (without honours) probably in sports or media studies doesn't really cut it, any chav can get a degree nowadys. 4. 4 A-Levels you say? Art, Media Studies, Sports, Economics, not hard. 5. Advanced Diploma in life skills, are you serious?! Did you get this when you graduated from the young offenders? 6. GCSE's? probably 2, plural 7. Just because you know the words mange tout and bolognese, doesn't mean you can speak French and Itallian 8. You drive a Merc? Speaks for itself doesn't it really? A chavs dream car. All this, my dear Candie, unfortunately means you're a CHAV
  • M.Y.88
    oh, can one indulge in some Polo ?
  • Chris H.
    @Mike - I wish I was up there with you on that pedestal you call 'home', what a marvellous view you must have!
  • Mike H.
    @Chris - yo bruv innit, iz you a chav innit? me an ma m8s r gonna put ar burberry uniforms on smash up some bus shelterz then drive ar fucking corsas lyke complete fucking idiots round Morrisons fucking carpark at 2 in the fucking morning! then maybe drink some meffs, iz you up 4 it bruv innit? That isn't a view from a pedastal 'mate' thats a clear view from ground level without a pair of rose tinted specs on, anyone who spouts off about having a chuffin' Merc is a MASSIVE chav.
  • B A.
    Its all got to be a bit "tongue in cheek" surely? Sounds as if some people just take themselves too seriously. Not the best way to enjoy yourself, wherever you go on holiday!
  • Julie
    I am really sick to death of all this talk about Chavs. I honestly don't mind if someone wishes to talk or dress a certain way or dare i say it, name their child after a car or fashion label.
  • Amanda H.
    This problem can be sorted out, once and for all. "Conscription"!!!
  • P E.
    wow free chavs, what more could you want from a holiday?
  • Adam2050
    @Julie I don't mind them talking a different way or even dressing in a stupid manor. Its the fact that cause so many social problems thats what pee's me right off.
  • Netizen
    Candice is just bitter that the chavs have claimed what used to be posh sounding forenames for themselves, which is actually rather witty and pre-pseudo-post-ironic. Except that don't know that, because they're thick innit.
  • Candice
    I am shocked, being an Aussie I never realised my name, Candice, is a chav name. Perhaps it’s because in England Candice is considered a 'posh sounding forename', which can only be the reason why the chavs have highjacked it in the first place. Such a strange cultural phenomenon one thinks. So that's it. Even though my mouth is not physically able to use the phrase 'innit' in a sentence, I am off to buy myself a lovely pink tracksuit and some matching scrunchies. I may even take up smoking and drinking that cider stuff ‘we’ love so much. Then, I’m going to create a facebook group of Candice’s to get together and have a chav fest somewhere posh. We’ll show you.
  • Paul N.
    I really don't like the class debate but for those talking about names you may be interested in the Freakonomics book which gave a whole chapter to discussing how names spread across socio-economic classes. You can read the Slate article on the topic here:
  • Chris H.
    @Mike: I applaud your well thought out retort, I really do. Clearly the best defence when being accused of being a narrow minded bigot is simply to apply your bigoted attitude to your accuser. Do you think the level of 'humour' you display with your oh-so-clever pseudonym represents a mental level above those 'Chavs' you seem to so despise? Concocting an eight point list of supposed fact, stereotypes and assumptions made about a person based on their name and a two sentence quote places you squarely on a level of mentality I believe I left behind when I began puberty.
  • The B.
    To be fair to Mike, he does have a point, anyone under 35 driving a Merc is usually a chav (or a sales rep) and Candice does sound as though it was one of those names spewed out on a council estate during the early to mid 80's which puts her in the pre-historic chav category.
  • Gordonjcp
    What on earth is an "Advanced Diploma in Life Skills"? It might be worth noting that you can get an honours degree in "Franchise Management" these days. Yes, that is what it sounds like - a degree in running a Macdonalds. I used to live in a fairly chav area, where half the cars in the carpark were newish Mercs. Any Merc newer than the mid-1980s will forever be associated with Burberry baseball caps and Elizabeth Duke earrings, at least for me. It's a shame, because Mercs are good solid cheap cars.
  • Amanda H.
    I had my car smashed in by a Chav, he looks just like the ones in the photo above, in fact, they all look the same!
  • Sandra
    What would Candice Bergen be thinking of all this talk about her name? have some respect people.
  • Exactly
    "Advanced Diploma in Life Skills" BWAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA HAAAAAAAAAA .....
  • Mike H.
    Chris, It's a shame you left your sense of humour along with your 'level of mentality' when you passed puberty, unfortunately, it looks like you forgot to take off your rose tinted specs, which I left behindwhen I graduated with honours in life management. Get back to your blog Chris, it's feeling a little lonely, when you've done that, you can play on your XBOX, but then it's time for sleepy time isn't it young man? Your Mum, Mike Hock
  • adam
    where there are chavs there is trouble. so a chav free holiday sounds fantastic. im middle class and proud of it. those chav scum think they have a good life when infact my dog lives a better life than them.
  • Mike
    Chavs aren't that bad, as long as you carry a knife so you can get them before they get you.
  • adam
    chavs are dirty low life scum. they succkle on the teet of the upper and middle classes and they just keep wanting more.
  • affiliatecasinoprogramaholic
    You should try to search for the cause of this problem but not the method to due with it at this instant.
  • Mp5 G.
    Hey it took me about 5 tries to actually see this page, it kept getting me an error on firefox don't know if it is from my pc or your website but taught I would let you know, anyway at least I got what I am looking for haha thanks !
  • best r.
    Oh wow free chavs, what more could you want from a holiday?

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