Boris striving to boost mobile networks for Olympics - nation sighs
Dig if you will a picture, of you, sitting in the Olympic Stadium next summer, just moments after Usain Bolt has somehow done the 100m in 6.8 seconds. You reach for your mobile phone to ring your mates and blurt out “Did you see THAT? I did – in real life. Because I am THERE!” Well, it probably won’t happen (not least because we doubt you’ve got a ticket).
The other reason why it won’t happen is because Boris Johnson has announced that he expects the mobile phone networks in and around the Olympic Stadium to be completely crippled during the Games. The increasing of data-hungry smartphones coupled with the huge number of people who will be attending the running, jumping and throwing festival means that it could be nigh-on impossible to send or receive so much as a text at certain points. Kind of like New Year’s Eve, but without the shameful drunkenness.
In spite of the fears, Boris remains characteristically confident that it’ll all be okay, something which convinces us that it almost certainly won’t be. He says: "We are doing a huge amount of work to ensure there is enough coverage. But we have got to be realistic, in the men's 100m final people want to download huge quantities of data which will put a massive strain on the networks. We are looking to install enough masts and have enough physical infrastructure and coverage for the huge demands, I am confident we will crack it."
It won’t just be the punters who could be bereft of mobile coverage – organisational staff will be relying on the airwaves and Transport For London have a text message travel scheme that they’re about to launch. Don’t worry everyone, Boris will probably start working away in his shed 48 hours before it all kicks off, endeavouring to come up with an ingenious invention that will make it all okay. The twat.