Bog-standard toilet paper no good for soft-ass Yanks

Researchers have found another way in which fat, greedy Americans are snuffing out Mother Planet (aka Dame Earth). To be blunt, it’s through their objectionable use of softer-than-soft bog roll.

While we sturdy Europeans simply wipe once with a dried dock leaf and then carry on as though nothing untoward has happened, it seems that the Yanks are becoming increasingly reliant on multi-ply arse-cleansing solutions, much to the detriment of the aforementioned Lady Globe.

More than 98% of the toilet roll sold in The Land Of The Free comes from virgin forests, which according to Allen Hershkowitz, a senior scientist at the Natural Resources Defence Council is, “a lot worse than driving Hummers in terms of global warming pollution."

So what’s to be done? The yoghurt-weavers at Greenpeace are launching a campaign aimed at educating Americans to snap the fuck out of it, be more like the rest of the world and start using recycled loo roll.

But it’s set to be a tough battle as Americans frantically wipe their way through three times as much lavatory paper per person than the average European, and 100 times more than the average person in China.

Some might say it’s because they’re all completely full of shit but we couldn’t possibly comment…

[Guardian - Your Arse Section (Saturday)]


  • tan
    said it all agree with u they r full of shit stupid yankees
  • ginner
    Hukd is supposed to be a family site, and is easily linked to your site, beggars belief some of the drivel you people put on here and the foul language you use and seem to encourage, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Hukd should drop you and soon.
  • Anon
    The west should learn use water like most middle eastern, african and south asian nations. Its cleaner, more hygienic, with no need to destroy forests or recycle before or after.
  • bunch l.
    Why do all users of this site seem to be bigoted? Are you all sad little people with nothing better to do than attack groups of people, Americans, homosexuals etc. Get a life losers!
  • Amanda H.
    Educating Americans? Yeeehaw! @ginner, do you kiss your mother with those lips, shame on you.
  • chrisg.
    My question is why do people have the paper hanging at the back of the roll, rather than the front. Weirdos.
  • Lumoruk
    I agree chris, ginner I disagree American's were up until recently all twats they are now glorified twats pretending to be ass holes related to me.
  • Chris
    Terrible... Americans should get their act together, and wake up to the world. A bit of recycled bog roll won't kill them. Now to kill off the gas guzzlers and we'll be flying. Another curious post, and a worthwhile read, thanks BW. Ignore the PC fuckwits who seem to think that swearing is against the law (and moral fibre of the universe) and continue to post things like this :)
  • Andy
    Because you've never used triple velvet?
  • zeddy
    Anon, some in those countries should learn to use soap when washing with water.
  • jaysexy212005
    Water is more cleaner and more hygienic. Water saves forests as well.
  • Jack
    Haha - good article, at least you are getting the point across. Keep up the good work - dont change your writing style I like it
  • Nookster
    Posted by ginner | February 28th, 2009 at 2:01 am "Hukd is supposed to be a family site" If any family huddles around a screen to look at HUKD, then they have greater issues than swearwords to deal with.
  • Wopster
    Soft Soft Soft...
  • Matt B.
    I don't get it... you close the comments section of another post because people were gay-bashing, but it's okay to be racist right in the main post...?
  • The B.
    Ginner, no one's forcing you to click on the links, if you don't want to read it then don't, or do you find yourself buying copious amounts of unwanted tat from the web because you're unable to not click a link? Pillock.
  • zeddy
    Who's being racist? Americans aren't a race.
  • Martin S.
    I think Ginner needs some soft paper to wipe the shit off his keyboard - typing crap like that.
  • agaveworm
    Q - What hand do you use to wipe your @rse with? A - Right hand Clever [email protected] - Really? I use bog roll.....
  • Rob
    Its not racist , it would be generalising or tarring with the same brush butin reality its merely stairical comment - and commenting on the fact that their flabby butts need triple strength plop wipe paper is merely comment . Im sure theyd send troops around to shut the site down...................... if they had any left due to fighting the 3 squillion wars theyve started ;)
  • Rob
    .........or even "satirical comment" cough
  • imranmaz
    can we shut this blog down? i have to scroll down further to see the recent threads i have posted in. this blog is trash... think of the environment... :(
  • Gus
    Mr Andy Dawson has a very peculiar writing style which most of the time causes more damage than good.
  • Get S.
    [...] This blog has a good take on the subject - from Europe: [...]
  • acecatcher3
    another shit blog........andy u r a terrible writer bitterwallet is a complete rubbish
  • Chris
    "another shit blog" - Nice play on words, since it is about toilets - Love the potty mouth. "u r a terrible writer" - Perhaps he should consult you for some insight in future. BW is grand.
  • acecatcher3
    no he shud just stop writing articles and bw b closed, its quite sad that 99% of the readers are from hukd, and 98% of them hate this site. only way to get views is to stick it on hukd, then say "its nothing to do with hukd" very sad, just a bunch of idiots swearing and writing about news we heard about a week/month/year ago...delete as appropriate.
  • Skeptikal
    Zeddy | February 28th, 2009 at 5:01 pm "Who’s being racist? Americans aren’t a race." Lol at that, so going by your statement I can say something like, I duno, "FUCK all africans - I hope they die!" As africans aren't a race. So this isn't racist. Fix up. I think is inappropriate to have this comment "Some might say it’s because they’re all completely full of shit but we couldn’t possibly comment…" followed by an acknowledgment of the original writer/publisher ([Guardian - Your Arse Section (Saturday)])- The Guardian. Why not write your own articles instead of poncing off other sources and changing them ever so slightly.
  • Andy D.
    @Skeptikal - From time to time we do write our own articles. Thing is though, there's just four of us here. We're led to believe that there's at least six writers at larger organisations like The Guardian. Thanks for reading though.
  • Andy D.
    Also Skeptikal, not sure if you understand if you understand how newspapers work but I'm fairly certain that the 'original' story in The Guardian came about following a press release from the Natural Resources Defence Council (who are mentioned in the article). The Guardian and similar news organisations get lots of their stories from such press releases, without directly quoting the source. Having said that, I'd love to think that some junior Guardian hack was dispatched to an American supermarket just to survey customers about their bog roll-buying habits. Probably didn't happen though.
  • Jassen
    Wow, crazy fascism going on in here, its almost like walking in on a KKK conference meeting, or walking in by accident onto a Nazi movement website. What the article poster failed to address is that the root of the problem is with the industry on the whole making this kind of product. Influence the industry to use recyclable materials, and the average joe wouldn't care what its made of anyway, they would probably by it all the same if it had the name to go with it. It's no different to the way people here in the UK work, we're always after a bargain, and if the industry were supplying people the same way, then we'd be the ones to look like idiots, right? I'd prefer to be among yanks any day compared to the CHAV culture that breeds in Britain!
  • The B.
    Hey acecatcher3, you're some kind of English professor by the soliloquy like post, perhaps you could grace us with some of your stunning intellect?
  • Anon
    zeddy, they invented soap, and people in the west could also learn to use it. As there are plenty of smelly people in the west too.
  • Richard B.
    Nice caption on the pic - are you fans of Viz too?!
  • zeddy
    Indeed there are Anon, loads of them. However water by itself does not make that way a clean process.
  • Beaux T.
    Many Americans would agree with you wholeheartedly.
  • Ella
    England is full of low class CHAVS who only wish they could be Americans, you watch American TV , ,listen to American music and frankly will never be as well off as us with your stupid taxes and high priced shoe box houses. Or as most of you live on council estates. I live in a big house with a pool , pay about $2.69 for gas £1.75 a gallon . Eat shit losers!

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