Apparently we'd be all happy to pay more to use our awful train service
Hands up if you're one of the boob headed pricks who decided to tell government officials that we're all paying too little for our train tickets? Hands up, so we can go around cutting them all off with shears, if you also chirruped that you would be happy to pay more?
Apparently, there are people out there who have said just that, according to a report.
Even though passengers in the UK already pay more than anyone else for our trains in the whole of Europe, apparently, this study is now urging ministers to scrap cheap fares.
So, if you like buying last minute cheap Saver tickets, forget about it as ministers plan to get rid of them. This includes routes from London to Manchester or Glasgow.
Great news eh? We're already paying for a pretty shoddy rail service through the nose and now, with promises of less carriages on trains, we appear to be happy to pay more. Sir Roy McNulty, the person behind the report must've asked the terminally stupid (the same people asked for answers on Family Fortunes questionnaires).
Gerry Doherty, of the Transport Salaried Staffs Association, said: "We could easily be looking at a 30 per cent jump in off-peak fares at a time when passengers are already paying the highest fares in Europe. This will particularly hit commuters, especially those who stagger their journeys to get cheaper fares."
He then added, cryptically: "They are being squeezed until the pips squeak."
Sir Roy says in his report: "Although fares overall are high relative to other countries, it appears that some are set below the level which passengers would be prepared to pay... a more flexible fares structure and the use of 'intelligent ticketing' could assist in making better use of capacity and thus improve efficiency."
So, if you've been annoyed that you're getting a cheap-deal on something, do everyone a favour and throw yourself under the next train that whistles through your town, you shattering penis.