Some gits invent talking cigarette packets


Ever been minding your own bloody business, as an adult, indulging in things that you know are really bad for you, but safe in the knowledge that you're not harming anyone else and frankly, it's up to you what you pissing do?

Well, smokers will be thrilled to learn that some berks have come up with a new type of cigarette packaging which talks to you, moaning at you to stop smoking.

Stirling University has been testing the chatter boxes with two pre-recorded messages that utilise the similar technology that is found in those irritating birthday cards.

One box offers advice to quit and the other informs that smoking can reduce fertility.

Chief executive of ASH (Action on Smoking and Health) Scotland Sheila Duffy said: "The tobacco industry buys a great deal of creative expertise to market its addictive and lethal products to new consumers, mainly young people. I welcome the suggestion that we get more creative to put forward images of good health and freedom from addiction as alternatives to tobacco, and that we start requiring tobacco companies to present the truth to their consumers in more eye-catching ways."

Will this get opened up and developed in such a way that pasties scream in agony when you take a bite from them? Will we see bottles of pop that sound like a dentist's drill every time you take a swig? Will cans of spesh recreate the sound of a bloke knocking the crap out of his wife?


  • I m.
    Ah, good old Quirkgog uni - where the main language is Mandarin. It's like Shanghai in miniature. They don't drink Tennants though...
  • fibbingarchie
    '...we start requiring tobacco companies to present the truth to their consumers...' Who the fuck of cigareete buying age doesn't already know this in this day an' age.
  • Faysh
    They've hardly "invented" them, just recombined existing crap. And BW, you do realise that berk is rhyming slang for see you next tuesday, dont you?
  • paulfp
    "safe in the knowledge that you’re not harming anyone else" Are you flippin' kidding? The rest of us who choose not to smoke are constantly forced to breathe in smoke from smokers who think it's their God-given right to breathe their poison in our faces, often whilst standing next to a "No Smoking" sign. Why can't I sit outside and enjoy my lunch without wafts of foul smelling smoke coming my way? Mothers push along babies in their pushchairs whilst deliberately and consciously exposing their children to chemicals that they know to be cancer-causing. CHILD ABUSE! And smokers seem to think it's fine to throw their butts on the floor and even packets too... since if it's a cigarette, it doesn't count as litter. IDIOTS!
  • Raggedy
    @Paulfp Now come on, say what you really mean. Don't hold back now. Born-again non-smoker? :-)
  • TeddyEdward
    If smoking causes infertility how come people like me who smoke 60 a day have got loads of kids?

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