UK Segway boss dies after... falling off a cliff on his Segway
The modern equivalent of a Sinclair C5, the Segway, is a ludicrous vehicle. While they may be fun, chances are that, should you drive to work on one, you'll find that when you get to your destination, your back will be covered in flob.
Or, there's a chance you'll die, just like the multi-millionaire businessman who owns the UK Segway company.
Jimi Heselden has sadly ceased-to-be after riding one of the preposterous contraptions off a cliff and into a river. We don't normally laugh at people dying... rest assured, this is our way of coping with the depressing reality of it all.
Anyway, the 62-year-old crashed into the River Wharfe on a rugged country version of the Segway. A passer-by found Heselden alongside his Segway in the Boston Spa area at about 11.40am on Sunday.
A spokesman for West Yorkshire Police said today: "Police were called at 11.40am yesterday to reports of a man in the River Wharfe, apparently having fallen from the cliffs above. A Segway-style vehicle was recovered. He was pronounced dead at the scene. At this time we do not believe the death to be suspicious."
A completely fictional source added "...it was very funny though, thanks to irony and a cruel sense of humour."
Next week: More ironic deaths as Bitterwallet writer found dead after being beaten to a bloody pulp by laptop wielding griever on a Segway.