New PC made to milk pensioners... and help them of course

12 November 2009

Old people weep over technology. Their tears blow the fuses and then they listlessly prod buttons until they get a six year old to come and fix it for them. That's the unrelenting world of 2009.

To save our geriatrics from becoming as useless as Shed Seven, a new computer has been unveiled which aims to help them get online. This presumably will lead them to a whole new world of shopping, holiday bookings and niche adult films.

Basically, the PC, called SimplicITy, is a simplified desktop that has just six buttons directing users to basic tasks such as e-mail and chat. To help them further, it comes pre-loaded with 17 video tutorials from television presenter Valerie Singleton. Each of these PCs are made-to-order and sadly, take a whole fortnight from request to delivery. Two weeks of an old person's life are like dog years and... well... you can see where I'm going with that morbid thought process.

The SimplicITy computer has no log-in screen at start-up and contains no drop-down menus. It opens straight to a front page called 'square one' containing separate clickable buttons for e-mail, browsing the web, files, online chat and a user profile.

Andrew Harrop, head of public policy for charity Age Concern and Help the Aged said efforts to get older people online should be "applauded".

"Pensioners who aren't online are missing out on hundreds of pounds in potential savings by shopping around and can also often miss out on the best interest rates for savings accounts, not to mention the social benefits of being online," he said.

Or maybe they'll just end up being used in sneaky PR campaigns like Ivy Bean, 'the oldest Tweeter in town' if they're lucky... pawing at a screen, peering through milky cataracts...



  • cam
    I heart MOF
  • Lumoruk
    Why do I have to be reminded of last weeks news ?
  • Lumoruk
    just looked at the video she looks half dead herself lol, and who is this moff simmers - not part of the bitterwallet team ??
  • AcidJiles
    Isnt there an issue with security for a PC like this. No updating of anti virus and firewall could leave lots of pensioners more out of pocket than any savings they might make.
  • Christopher
    >> Isnt there an issue with security for a PC like this. *cough*linux*cough*
  • Reg W.
    Just because you make it past 50 does not mean your brain suddenly melts. This is an overpriced piece of crap, with patronising videos. I was waiting for Val to whip out the sticky backed plastic and say “Here is one I surfed earlier”. Despite the obvious plastic surgery Val Singleton has not aged well. I particularly like the option to pay for it by PayPal. If you know how to use PayPal then you definitely don’t need this piece of junk.
  • Colin
    I feel this webcomic is an accurate representation of this computer:
  • bob
    FFS whats this country coming to? if older people want to become computer literate theres plenty of free courses run by local councils and charities, then they can get themselves a proper computer. Theres no need for companies to fob them off with pieces of crap just because they know no different. Bow your head in shame SimplicITy. No doubt they will have their band of pushy sales people spending hours in pensioners homes scaring them in to buying it.
  • No m.
    Old man.... naked.... jacking off furiously. It's too late. You've pictured it.
  • dunfyboy
    Fuck me! £535.99 for an atom powered desktop. SimplicITy should just stand outside the post office and mug the old dears on pension day.
  • SimpliciTIT
    What a con! Profiteering or what? I can't beleive they even managed to scam their way onto TV news with this. Give it a few weeks and Ann Robinson will be raping these cowboys on Watchdog!
  • mooo c.
    asus expressgate does the same
  • charitynjw
    What's that, deary?........Oh, very nice........yes.............I'm 86, you know...........
  • Carl B.
    Interesting is this, as in year 2000 I published a short tutorial of Microsoft Publisher for fast track learning of this software. When it was used for the first time during Government trials an 82-year-old lady completed her entire publication in just 53 minutes with nil faults. The publication is called 'Easy Publisher' and has only three pages of content excluding the front and rear cover. Every one on the trial had only basic keyboard skills and no prior knowledge of the software. Your Government wanted me to publish more yet would not employ me to do so, I was unemployed at the time. You may download a copy of Easy Publisher here, and try your luck at beating the 82 year old lady's record of just 53 minutes. Signed Carl Barron Chairman of agpcuk
  • Klingelton
    crumblies have too much money anyway - amazing that they should be being charged more for receiving less.
  • lilly
    this is really Interesting!! I already use such a software (Eldy) downloaded from my daughter from the site and I really learn how to use the computer!!! I think I'm going to buy Simplicity too!! lil
  • Fool&hisMoney
    how stoopid. As soon as they open the web browswer they'll be confused and baffled as usual as i doubt this company has chnaged the internet for them. Especially when they start getting viruss and pop-ups due to not having any AV or firewal configured.

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