Is Rent A Friend the most depressing website in history?
Over at the Guardian, they've given a very wordy account of a website called RentAFriend.com. They've insisted on heavy, almost impenetrable prose as opposed to childish swearing and idiotic speculation.
So. What the shitting fuck is this website all about? Well, Rent A Friend allows depressed widowers, socially awkward and presumably bafflingly ugly people to call upon other humans who will grin inanely at them and offer a shoulder to cry on even though, deep down, they couldn't give a hoot about you and your stupid problems. I mean what's the matter with you? Are you such a woeful human that even the rest of the internet has shunned you?
This site allows you "rent" people from the US and Canada.
"Whether you are looking to hire a friendly companion to attend a social event or party with you, someone to introduce you to new people, or someone to go to movie or a restaurant with, RentAFriend.com can help. Hire a Friend to show you around an unfamiliar town, teach you a new skill or hobby, or just someone for companionship."
Jesus H. Stilts. It is a staggeringly bleak prospect isn't it? Some popular activities people are renting friends for include "Wingman/Wingwoman" (one can only hope that this means people are looking for someone to stand on a biplane's wings while it loop-de-loops), "Hot Air Balloon", "Teaching Manners" and "Psychic"... whatever that means. So there you go. Abject misery tarted up with gurning, jolly faces. Knock yourself out losers.