Happy Birthday Twitter, you big idiot

Twitter is 7 years old today, and like most seven year olds hasn’t got a clue how to behave itself in public and there’s a 20% chance it might shit its pants.

With 200 million active users worldwide and 400 million tweets about the pope clogging up the atmosphere on a daily basis, it’s fair to say that the social network has been a success, attracting such luminaries as Stephen Fry, George Osborne and Carol Decker from T’Pau.

It’s all a far cry from the year 2006, when a spunky little boy (citation needed) called Jack Dorsey first dreamed up the real time social network. Back then it was called ‘stat.us’ – which is rubbish – and then changed to ‘twittr’. Then he added an ‘e’ and the famous bird symbol, and it took off like a seagull cawing incessantly over a festering landfill.

Now obviously, Twitter rules the world, influences ideas and policies and is a great place to air your half-formed, worthless opinions.

So how will you celebrate Twitter’s seventh birthday? Will you tweet your lunch? Noise up Liz Hurley? Champion Cheese Pastie and Cunnilingus day? Over to you…


  • Nope
    How can anyone honestly enjoy reading this drivel? Dry humour is one thing, but practically anything written by Lucy Sweet reeks of a person who clearly thinks they're hilarious. "20% chance it might shit its pants." "Cheese Pastie and Cunnilingus day..." Jesus wept...
  • Strawbear
    More interestingly they've been granted a patent in the US for "device independent message distribution platform". Whatever that means. And Nope - if you don't like it, go elsewhere. Considering some of the comments you find in this pit of despair, the article's not so bad.
  • Alexis
    Twitter was only ever of use to me for finding out where riots were happening in Manchester in 2011. Never used it before or since.
  • Nope
    "Nope – if you don’t like it, go elsewhere." Ok, I'll go elsewhere, juuuuuust for you. Moron.
  • Marky M.
    @ Strawbear I think a "device independent message distribution platform" is "talking".
  • The M.
    I still dont see the point in twitter and I hate anything with hashtags in front of it - in fact I call it twatter which I think is dead clever of me. #cunts.
  • Mr_godber

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