Crushingly lonely? Hire a friend with rentafriend.com!
Are you appallingly shy? Are you so socially awkward that, the second you meet another human, your face goes bright red and your bowels empty? Are you so gaspingly boring that people kill themselves when you say hello?
Sounds like you're the kind of friendless chump who could do with hiring some company - and no, we don't mean prostitutes.
Apparently, friend rental services are launching in more and more countries, including the UK. Of course, Americans have taken it up first because they don't have any proper human skills yet aside from their will to streamline everything.
And they have, with a website called Rentafriend.com which allows you to give yourself the impression that you're worth knowing, regardless of the nagging voice in your head telling you that you'll be settling a tab for any kindness. Not unlike getting someone drunk in the hope they'll shag you in fairness.
This Friend For Hire idea has been running in America and Canada, and Rentafriend is now in China, Chile, Israel, India and Italy with a UK site launched earlier this year according to The BBC.
Anyone wanting to rent a friend must cough-up $24.95 a month or $69.95 a year (£47) to become a member. Or, you could just sign-up to Facebook or Twitter for free. If you don't like new social networking, then there's a million message boards out there where you can talk to people for free.
Next week: Bitterwallet launches a new website called Hire An Enemy for the relentlessly popular people of the world who need a little negativity to thrive on.