Can you reboot the whole of the internet?

A picture of 'the internet'

What would happen if the whole of the internet went down? Imagine the carnage! People nearly top themselves when Twitter's fail whale appears, sobbing uncontrollably and throwing themselves headlong into the blades of combine harvesters.

If the internet as a whole crashed, then we'd immediately be in a world of marshal law where entire cities would burn with the screaming flesh of looters and rapers. It is the very glue which keeps us all from going stark-mental on the streets of Earth.

Well, according to news reports, there are a group of people who hold the keys to the internet and these folks share responsibility for rebooting the web in the event of a huge-ass global fuckdown, report the Guardian.

One such chap, a man from Bath called Paul Kane is one of the chosen few in something called the "chain of trust". Alas, like all things technological, it isn't as exciting as you'd hope.

Kane is chief executive of a Bath-based tech firm CommunityDNS, and is part of a team that has spent a decade working on a security system (DNSSEC) that companies can use to make their sites safer. To demonstrate how secure their technology is, the launch included the coronation of seven "keyholders".

In the event of everything going tits-up, five of those keyholders would meet in a secure location in the US to restart the system.

And sadly, it isn't some giant futuristic key that looks like something from Tron. Rather, it's a swipecard. And it is only to reboot DNSSEC sites. In fact, should the brown stuff hit the fan, the rest of the internet would apparently carry on as normal.

So is there even a chance that this system could be extended to the whole internet with one key to rule them all?

Kane: "Never. Even if there was such a key, it would trigger the balkanisation of the internet. The EU wouldn't want the US to have it, the Middle East wouldn't want the EU to have it, the US wouldn't want anyone to have it."

This promised to be a rather exciting story and it's turned into something quite boring hasn't it? Bloody IT people. They should liven things up a bit.


  • Nobby
    If the internet went down, I'd probably end up wanking over people on the Jeremy Kyle Show. Instead of articles on bitterwallet.
  • MrRobin
    This sounds bloody mental. Did they have to rescue the key maker from a pair of phase shifting twins? When it's time the reset and they confront the architect, will they grow angry in disbelief that it's just history repeating itself?
  • Stewie G.
    "This promised to be a rather exciting story and it’s turned into something quite boring hasn’t it? " Yep.
  • JP
    out of curiosity nobby, did you wank over the dog with massive tits posted the other day?
  • Fox B.
    At least we got to finally see a real picture of Mof Gimmers
  • Gordon B.
    It's rapists, not rapers. With such an obvious error so early in the article can we trust the factual content? The whole thing looks fishy to me. Probably written by a computer.
  • The B.
    Surely no one would trust anything that technical to someone from the West Country?
  • Nobby
    @JP No, that pic was so old I'd strummed to it too many times.
  • Mr G.
    It's "martial law" not "marshal law". Just sayin'
  • Gunn
    Hmm how does the key holder in the UK get to the US? Can't book flight online. fail.
  • Roger R.
    @ Gordon Beckmann Surely the word that they were looking for is 'rappers' not 'rapers', and certainly not 'rapists. You filthy bastard, you obviously just have rape on the mind.
  • Jase
    "And sadly, it isn’t some giant futuristic key that looks like something from Tron. Rather, it’s a swipecard." I'm sure I've read this sentence been lifting text from other sites again Mof?

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