Buy a dongle and restrict your web access! The internet gets classified
Have you ever wanted the internet to be classified like films are? Y'know, booby sites being 18 and the like? Chances are, you haven't, but that's not stopped an ISP offering a web filtering dongle that uses a similar classification system to that used by the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC).
You, dear simpering parent, select the filter level you want (you have a choice of U, PG, 12, 15 or 18) on behalf of your kiddiewinks. Or partner if you don't like her looking at filth. Whatever, it's up to you.
It's currently only available on 3G mobile and users need to stick a dongle in to access Tibboh and there, they can register various profiles for different family members. Of course, should this thing irritate your child who is intent on looking at humans rutting like barnyard animals, then they'll probably just take the bloody thing out and watch what they like anyway. Failing that, they'll probably work out a way of changing the settings on the dongle before you do.
And for this wonderful system, how much will you pay? It's a monthly charge of £19.99 for the service, which has a 15 gigabyte data limit.
According to Tibboh's ratings, Facebook, Twitter, Google and Bing would be given a 12 rating whilst the BBC, the broadsheets get themselves a U certificate. So pictures of dead people in a war are much more palatable for children than say, endless inane updates about 'Lookin 4ward to da weeknd lool'. Bizarrely, it could save the nation's children from reading endless idiot updates that their parents have written about them.
Blogging hosts Tumblr and Wordpress have been given a 15 rating. ChatRoulette has probably got a rating of a skull icon.
Tibboh believes that their classification system offers a more personalised internet experience in comparison with conventional net filters.
"What's suitable for a 17 year old is not suitable for an 8 year old," commented chief executive Martin Large to BBC.
No shit Sherlock.
Anyway, this flash in the pan rubbish won't ever work because there's always a way 'round it. In the unlikely event that it takes off, someone will design a program that will override any dongle attached to a computer. So yeah, don't bother. It never stopped you reprobates watching bootleg video nasties when you were young, did it?