Amazon plan to creepily anticipate our needs

20 January 2014

amazon-logo First they hired human drones. Then they started using actual drones. And now Amazon are planning to use TELEPATHY to get packages to their customers more quickly.

Amazon have filed a patent for something called ‘Anticipatory Package Shipping.’ How does it work? Well, the system is intended to deliver goods to specific geographical areas, based on the things people in that area have already bought, browsed or put on their wish lists.

So, if a customer near to you buys Cliff Richard’s Greatest Hits, then you order Cliff’s Greatest hits or you searched for it on Amazon, then (because someone else ordered Cliff already or you were browsing for it), Amazon will have already stocked a few copies in a temporary hub or truck nearer to you, rather than leaving it in the Amazon’s fulfilment centre hundreds of miles away. So you will get your Cliff CD quicker, you weirdo.

Basically, if there’s a clear demand for a product in a certain area, or at certain times (like Christmas or other holidays) Amazon can anticipate it and redirect the goods to a storage place near you. All using customer data such as previous orders and shopping cart info.

If they do this, it’ll help Amazon - and other e-commerce companies – to map wider trends and speed up delivery times. In fact, soon they’ll be able to INFLUENCE OUR MINDS.

(I really must buy a Cliff Richard CD today.)


  • Joulupukki
    A better idea would be for Amazon to throw the CD away before they deliver it, to save you the bother.
  • amyholmes
    Glad to hear that Amazon is trying to find new ways to reduce delivery time. If you are like me and buy almost everything there, you should be happy to hear this. As I have a lot of purchases from there I’ve been trying to find a way to create a digital inventory of all of them where I can include all the information that comes with each purchase. I’ve recently come across Unioncy that automatically creates a catalogue of all my belongings with the information of the receipts in my email. Seems to be quite useful to me.
  • barry f.
    I have a brilliant idea to reduce delivery times, GO TO THE FUCKING SHOPS AND BUY STUFF! You cunts!
  • Charley
    They should have anticipated that bringing back P&P charges loses them custom.
  • Kevin
    Barry: If you want to pay twice as much go ahead :)
  • JonB
    Isn't this what supermarkets have been doing for years?
  • Inspector G.
    It sounds like Amazon have taken a marketing lesson from Ryanair - just spout any old bollocks to get into the papers
  • Tim B.
    Riight. So, having centralised everything into a single warehouse so everyone can buy from one place, thereby reducing costs, the logical next step is to break everything down into lots of smaller local warehouses, kind of like a shop?

What do you think?

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