Starbucks go drive-thru so we can scald ourselves easier

1 December 2011

starbucks-logo Scalding your genitalia as you attempt to drive around while drinking piping hot coffee is about to become easier than ever before – that’s because Starbucks are aiming to open 200 brand new ‘drive-thru’ branches over the next five years.

In a statement that was seemingly made up by throwing a few nice-sounding words together, Starbucks say that they “will bring new levels of comfort and environmental performance to the roadside”. Comfort? We’ll be in our cars. We won’t be getting out. That’s how drive-thru works. Hang on – are they saying that their ‘coffee houses’ are less comfortable than the inside of a car? They are aren’t they? Idiots.

They’ve already opened nine of their drive-thrus across the land and say that at least half of the 200 new ones will be operated under licence by petrol forecourt retailer Euro Garages, with the majority opening in the Midlands and The North. Seemingly The South and The Southerners aren’t ready for such motorized sophistication yet.

Right, we’re off to the Bitterwallet lab to make some silicone genital protectors for coffee-supping motorists to wear before they visit these comfortable venues…

TOPICS:   Supermarket

6 comments

  • Phil76
    Actually, petrol stations make kinda sense. If you can get a button @ the pump to order your caffiene fix when you start filling up, they could have it ready for you when you go to pay. That is of course assuming you're one of those people who can't go 5 minutes without a coffee on the go
  • The B.
    Starbucks coffee is crap.
  • Richard
    @ Phil76 I'm not sure 'a button' is gonna cut it. Have you seen a Starbucks Menu?! :-P
  • ModelWorx
    McDonalds and to a lesser extent Krispy Kreme have been doing drive through coffee for years... so this is kind of a none story.
  • Marky M.
    Starbucks pulled out of Australia altogether. Just one more reason to move there.
  • Starbucks K.
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