More supermarkets opening longer this Christmas - what would Jesus do?
There would be uproar if you had to work on both Christmas Day and Boxing Day every year, so it's incredibly fortunate that both days just happen to fall on two consecutive bank holidays. I mean, what are the odds, eh? That said, the closure of supermarkets on Boxing Day last year caused 137 individuals to starve to death, in particular those who couldn't plan their lives more than two days in advance.
In a desperate bid to end these senseless deaths, both Tesco and Sainsbury's will be opening double the number of stores on Boxing Day, as they did in 2008. Tesco will open over 250 of its largest sites, while Sainsbury's is opening nearly 100 stores. The move represents a huge swing in policy in just two years; Tesco opened just 10 supermarkets in 2007.
The supermarkets claim they are simply responding to consumer demand, which is also the reason that openings hours on Christmas Eve are expected to be pushed back as late as 10pm. A spokesperson for Tesco said:
"When we opened for the first time properly on Boxing Day last year we thought it was for just a some people wanting to pick up televisions in the sale. And we were shocked at the queues of people doing their food shopping. People really wanted to come in and do a full grocery shop – milk, vegetables, bread and meat – and restock their fridges. Honestly, some folk are utter fucktards."
Perhaps he didn't say that last bit. Not all supermarkets are as willing to bow to feeble minded idiots who somehow manage to go a week without a big shop at all other times of the year. An Asda spokesman said: "Our stores are open 362 days of the year, with many of them open 24 hours a day. Easter, Christmas and Boxing Day is the one chance for our colleagues to put their feet up. We don't think it is fair to ask them to work."
Churches are also up in arms about the decision, because it's not what Jesus would want - but then he was nailed to a cross and couldn't go shopping anyway, so his opinion wouldn't count for that much, surely?