Heinz signal end of the world with ketchup in jars
Are you one of those unrelenting bastards who can't admit that you like things that are bad for you? Do you need people to serve chips in a plastic basket because it makes you feel like you're in Man Vs Food? Do you only eat crisps when they have a picture of a farm on the packet and the name of the person who caressed each potato in the manufacturing process?
Thanks to hooting berks like you, Heinz have gone and put tomato sauce in a jar for absolutely no reason.
Apparently, ketchup in a a jar has been "carefully crafted to complement more consumers’ mealtimes, designed with adults in mind," or if you prefer, signalling the end of civilisation as we know it by underlining just what a bloated, self-serving, failing species humans really are.
These monstrosities will appear in shops later this month and generally aping those stupid ramekins you get in gastropubs, filled with ketchup with something else mixed into it. And they'll cost you £1.79.
Flavours on sale will be Tomato Sauce With A Bit Of Balsamic Vinegar And Some Herbs and Tomato Sauce With Some Garlic And A Bit Of Honey In It.
Emma Rumble, Senior Brand Manager at Heinz, said, with no trace of irony: "We’ve developed a new range of tasty ketchups – rich, thick and full of flavour – to complement more of the meals we know our adult consumers eat. Our aim is for Heinz Tomato Ketchup to be enjoyed at every mealtime, and the new jar format means our consumers can simply spoon out and enjoy more often!"
"Launching our new ketchup range is another example of our continued commitment to developing new innovations that create excitement in the category."
Next week: Ready Meals sold on bits of slate, complete with free gurgling foodie.