Have a sexy breakfast

You can buy yoghurts to help your gut flora, and Flora to help your heart. But there’s no super food out there to help boost your morning wood – UNTIL NOW. Enter (oo-er) SEXCEREAL, a gender-formulated horny cereal to make your breakfast go with a bang.

Made in Canada, it pitches itself as a ‘big life functional food.’ Just don’t call it granola. It’s NOT GRANOLA (it is granola). According to the website, it’s a high fibre whole food, full of wonderful things to boost your libido. ‘It is not a novelty cereal invented for invention’s sake or for shock value’ says the hilariously badly written website. (Yeah, whatever.)

The man cereal has a list of ingredients that are not easy to find down the Asda, including bee pollen, Camu Camu and Maca. The lady cereal has less black magic in it – they seem to think we’ll hump the wall if we get a sniff of almonds, ginger and cranberries.

Does it work? Well, what do you think? The all Canadian testimonials are pretty ghastly. Creepy Bob from Saskatchewan says: ‘I love a cereal that goes all the way’. And it’s probably best to keep away from Brenda from Ottawa, who just says, possibly in a trembling voice: ‘It works.’

Invented by leather clad entrepreneur Peter Ehrlich in 2011 and marketed with the help of US version of Dragon’s Den, SEXCEREAL’s claims to boost sex lives are pretty dodgy, but hey, if regular bowel movements and Omega 3 float your boat, go for it.

It’s not available in the UK yet, but in the meantime, sticking your knob in a bowl of Alpen will probably have the same effect.


  • jim
    from China eh? hope its got some rare Tiger penis in it - maybe some dolphin nose. dont know why anyone would want more wood in the morning - trying to piss first thing in the morning is difficult enough - what with it flying out the window due to wood.
  • shiftynifty
    Does it work Lucy...and jim what the fuck are you wittering on about....
  • Alexis
    What the hell is bee pollen? Pollen that they shake off the furry coats of bees?
  • jim
    lol sorry shifty - ramblings

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