Supermarket

supermarket

When's your Dolmio day? Not too often, hopes company

In their dubious stereotyping adverts, Dolmio ask consumers when their Dolmio day is. Well, the people who make the sauces are hoping it isn't too often, because they contain so much fat, salt, and sugar, that you shouldn't eat it more than once a week. So, on a technicality, the adverts are correct, as they've…

M&S launch 'Sparks' loyalty card

Marks & Spencer are going to reward their regular customers with access to all manner of things, like money off vouchers, food masterclasses and trips to vineyards, under a new thing called the Sparks members club. Seeing as a lot of the people who go to M&S look like they're prone to the golf club…

Tesco store riddled with dirt and old ham

Tesco in Slough is filthy, and not in a good way. Customer Sylvia Tyler was browsing in the Slough branch of the store when she found that the shelves were covered in grime, crumbs and general detritus. When she asked the manager why they were in such a grotty state, she was told that the…

Sainsbury's now have more local stores than supermarkets

This week, Sainsbury’s will have officially more Sainsbury's Local stores than gargantuan supermarkets, showing a shift from the trend of doing a ‘big shop’ to ‘rushing around like a blue arsed fly after work and grabbing any old rubbish you can for dinner.’ The store that broke the big shop’s back is Sainsbury’s 594th convenience…

Iceland - the king of brilliant knockoffs!

You have to applaud people for their shameless attempts to ride the coattails of those more successful. There's some hilarious knockoff Manchester United kits doing the rounds and of course, all good B&M Bargain shops have things that Look A Bit Like Mars Bars and the like. However, Iceland have gone one further than everyone…

£1.50 Aldi shampoo beats luxury brand costing £130

Another triumph for budget supermarket Aldi, this time on the follicular front – its own brand shampoo has outperformed a rival shampoo that costs a scalp tingling £130. While you'd have to be a total dipstick to shell out £130 to wash your hair, apparently some people pay £60 for Philip B Oud Royal Forever…

Tesco isn't trying to be like Waitrose. HONEST.

Tesco’s overhaul of its Finest Range is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO with trying to compete with Waitrose, says Tesco. The Finest range makeover is an essential part of Tesco’s £1bn restructuring of the brand, after profits dipped in the last year. It’s something of a coincidence, especially as you consider that Waitrose are flying higher…

We know it’s hot but put some clothes on, say supermarkets

You know what it’s like. You’ve run out of sausages and cider for your back garden Snoop Dogg-style pool party and you go to the shops – then you realise that you’re wearing nothing but a thong and a pair of flipflops. Tesco have been telling sweaty customers in Newquay, Cornwall to put tops on…

Bacon: The champion of British snacks

Snacks are better than proper meals. The only thing better than snacks is when you supersize them into meal sized portions. Basically, the only thing better than a bacon butty is five bacon butties. And the might bacon sandwich just so happens to be the favourite snack of the British after it came first in…

Your value label supermarket water is straight out of the tap

Ever wondered why the ‘value brand’ bottled water in supermarkets is as cheap as it is? You know, around 20p for two litres? It couldn’t be because it’s just… tap water… could it? In the case of Tesco's Everyday Value Still Water and Asda's Smartprice Still Water, yes, yes it is. Which is kind of…

Debenhams gets a barcode-scanning app

Debenhams have decided to be all futuristic by launching a new app for Android handsets, which offers us plebs a range of features via our phones when we scan barcodes and such. They're the first UK retailer to do so apparently. We could check to see if that's true, but in all honesty, we can't…

BOGOFs could be told to 'Bog off!'

It could be curtains for the beloved BOGOF if interfering government ninnies get their own way. Supermarkets could be banned from offering ‘buy one get one free’ deals as DEFRA demand that food waste levels are reduced through voluntary action. Tough, enforceable laws that possibly involve thumbscrews could be introduced if the supermarkets do not…