New computer football boots will tell your mates how well you played

Back when we were younger and read the Roy Of The Rovers comic, we were mesmerised by the Kenny’s Computer Boots story, in which young Kenny Loggins played for his school team while wearing a pair of futuristic boots that recorded masses of stats about his performance for him.

We’re making it up, but it sounds plausible doesn’t it? Well it’s about to become a reality thanks to some new boots from Adidas.


They’ve got a built-in computer that stores data and analyses your personal performance, uploading your stats to your computerised device of choice, and giving you data on your speed, distance travelled and top speeds, by monitoring your movements at one-second intervals. Plus, they're a pretty colour and won't make you look like a dick when you wear them, oh no.

There’ll also be a social element to it, so that you’ll be able to upload your stats straight to your Facebook or Twitter account – great if you’ve had a blinder, but not so great if you’ve spent half the match throwing up on the touchline owing to ‘refuelling issues’.


  • The B.
    Ha, Kenny Loggins, I get it, Footloose. Um, I mean who?
  • Dick
    Pointless, unless all players wear them and there is tracking in the ball and sensors for goals scored, so they can monitor pass completion, goals scored, etc. Who cares how fast you are or how far you have run if you can't kick a ball?
  • Fanny L.
    @DICK - Rory Delap would care - Maybe they need to get these in a glove just so you can see how many times that primitive cunt throws the ball
  • Dick
    I guess Peter Crouch already has one implanted in his head. That may explain the robot. And that makes this story .... 2006.
  • James B.
    Your vocabulary is a disgrace to the human race. Your a dispicable human anatomy. By the way im a 16 year old CHAV and i no my shiz! CUNTTTTT!!!
  • Sammy A.
    replying to the above comment, i strongly agree with the situation. The vocabulary is an utter disaster and should be counted as verbal discrimination. I also am a 16 year old CHAV who also knows my shiz! CUNTTT!!!!

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