Armed robbers prove Monster Munch are best crisps in the world

15 November 2011

monster munch

Monster Munch are the best crisps in the world, even though they're not strictly crisps. Monster Munch are so dazzlingly brilliant that armed robbers in Little Hulton (the armpit of Greater Manchester) went to extreme lengths to get their hands on a single, solitary packet.

That's right. These crims barged into a shop with a hammer and axe just to steal a single packet from a newsagents. They respect Monster Munch so much that they didn't take them all because they know other people will want to eat them.

Of course, there's a hole in the tale. The raiders actually tried to steal all the money from the shop on Sunday afternoon, but left empty-handed.

Then, remembering how ace Monster Munch are, they returned and made off with a bag.

Police Constable Lucy Pearson, from Greater Manchester Police's Volume Crime Team, said: "These men have twice entered the shop armed with weapons and threatened the owner yet have risked their liberty for a single bag of crisps.

"That said the quantity of goods stolen in no way lessens the seriousness of this crime, which is an armed robbery, plain and simple. "

One offenders are described in such a manner that they could be almost anyone in Britain. If you must know, one of these Monster Munch loving scamps is white, 6ft, and owns a black hooded top while the other is white, 5ft 5in and has a nice grey Nike hooded jumper and balaclava.

Oh. And Monster Munch crumbs on their chins.

Anyone with information about the robbery at Sammy's newsagent in Manchester Road East at about 5.25pm should contact police on 0161 856 5250, or the independent charity Crimestoppers, anonymously, on 0800 555 111

TOPICS:   Scams

10 comments

  • zedy
    Enough of your rubbish! They are corn not potato but they are still crisp, so of course ARE crisps. Pickled onion variety along with Space Raiders provide most of the major food groups as many a student will testify. The lousy bastards at Proctor and Gamble (Pringles) haven't twigged yet regarding pickled onion flavour being ambrosia (sort 0f).
  • Boria J.
    zeddy is right about them being crisps and jollyu tasty too. However he is wrong about the lovelyness of pickled onion pringles - they just don't work. The bubbly corny nature of MM alows you salavatic juces to squish into the crisp and enhances the taste. Pringles are just to flat and unabsorbant and they just don't match up to strong vinegary flavours. Now paprika (or the original sour cream and chives [not the still tasty but bastardised sour cream and onion]) is a perfect match to the pringle texture. Now on actual potato crisps you'd be looking for. No... too sad a discussion.
  • Dick
    Bits of stale bread are crispy, but they are not crisps.
  • Zeddy
    @Dick: you're confusing crunch with crisp.
  • Zeddy
    @Boria Ziraleet Johnson: [pickled onion pringles – they just don’t work.] You've tried them, have you?
  • The B.
    @zedy - Monster Munch pickled onion is indeed the nectar of the gods, h0wever, there is a flaw, after 3 packs the roof of your mouth feels like someone has sandblasted the roof of your mouth (yes, I have been known to gorge on MM when hung over).
  • Boris J.
    @Zeddy Somebody had to taste test them as some nutter kept emailing in.
  • Micky C.
    @zeddy What about burnt toast ... Is that a crisp ? You cant say its "crispy", otherwise the saying "burnt to a crisp" wouldn't be true to form
  • Zeddy
    @Micky Crotchmonkey: Everyone knows it is "burnt to a cinder".
  • zizpz
    How about cold winter mornings? And well ironed shirts? Fresh lettuce? Dry leaves? Are they crisps? Better to eat than Monster Munch anyway, especially cold winter mornings...

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