In the shops now! Somerfield state the bleeding obvious

Somerfield wants to profit from you getting caned off your face by buying their booze. However social responsibility and pressure from the media demands the supermarket is a responsible retailer and doesn't appear to want to profit from you getting caned off your face by buying their booze. Quite a quandary. These seemingly incompatible requirements have been tackled by Somerfield promoting inane health advice, seemingly based on the dubious premise that people drink massive volumes of alcohol for several hours in a stretch simply because they're quite thirsty:

Bitterwallet -Somerfield don't want you to have too much fun while drinking

Any suggestions for other pointless statements of fact that will do little or nothing to diminish drinking to the point of yankee doodle in a club toilet, vomiting through your own fingers into a handbag and laying in the middle of the road for a kip? Stick 'em down below.


  • Randomhero
    Apparently, drinking a pint of milk before you start drinking "helps line your stomach". I have found out that it simply turns your vomit to yoghurt.
  • tin
    Tesco are doing exactly the same.
    Paul have you ever got into a difficult sexual-harassment-case situation with Alexa because of your excessive drinking?
  • fsck
    Saw one of the "drinking water stops you getting dehydrated" posters in a pub too, recently. Can't remember which one, though, as I was shitted ;-)
  • Alex
    It's a £100m national campaign from Drinkaware, it's not Somerfield. Sterling journalism folks.
  • Lee
    Randomhero I always find that a pint of milk helps! If you're drinking so much you throw up, I think you've answered your own question.
  • Amanda H.
    How about a sign by the toilet rolls....."Fat Arse? Try Kitchen Towel, Isle 7"
  • Nobby
    Don't use milk, it doesn't work. Eat a 250g block of butter before drinking and that will help line your stomach. Obviously use lard if you are a northerner.
  • zeddy
    @Amanda Hugginkiss: Yes, the one with "micro pckets" fair absorbs my amoebic dysentry.
  • Paddy
    Eating is cheating. There's an App for that.
  • Brian
    I had ONE Special Brew can last week (friend got it for me), and i was gone.

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