When it comes to dirty burgers and rat-infested branches of Chicken Cottage, there’s something of hygiene postcode lottery going on, according to a new Which! report. The worst place to satisfy a fast food craving is apparently Bexley, where 45% of businesses fall below the official hygiene rating of ‘generally satisfactory.’

The report took stats from Food Standard Agency hygiene reports up and down the UK and found that Bexley was bogging, followed by Birmingham’s B35 postcode, which was the second place most likely to find a verucca plaster in your kebab.

Established UK fast food chains were also exposed as well dodgy, with 29% of Chicken Cottage outlets and a quarter of Dixy Chicken shops rated below satisfactory. On the higher end of the scale, 18% of La Tasca branches are crappy too – so don’t think you’re getting away with botulism just because you’re eating tapas instead of a dog burger in the street.

If you don’t want to end your night peering at the toilet bowl, though, you should head to Carluccios, Zizzis, Eat or the Premier Inn, which had no low scores at all.

Which! are calling for clearer hygiene ratings in restaurants, but surely this undermines the whole point of a grubby late night fried chicken blow out - whether you can still eat it and wake up alive?