Cortana embarrasses Microsoft boss on stage

18 September 2015

windows-10 Microsoft chief executive Satya Nadella was giving a keynote speech at a sales conference in San Francisco, which surely is one of the most thrilling things to happen to any human in the calendar year?

Well, Nadella wanted to show off Cortana's capabilities. The voice-activated assistant is, of course, pals with the dreadful Clean Bandit, so what could possibly go wrong?

This demonstration did not go to plan, leaving Nadella wishing he could reach inside the device, and grab Cortana by the scruff of the neck so he could boot it up the arse. Possibly. We're assuming that because all high powered executives are a bit odd like that.

Anyway, he asked Cortana to "show me my most at-risk opportunities", which is a weird question for starters, so Cortana processed his words and asked if it would like to remind him to buy milk, instead.

"No, that's not what I want," he said. Then he tried again, and again it didn't work. "Oh come on," he sighed. Then, with magnificent futility, he tried it one last time, which again was unsuccessful, which saw Nadella apologising to the tittering crowd, saying: "No, this is not going to work.

"Sorry about that. Someone's trying to save me from backstage."

Cortana is built into Windows 10 and, what with the popularity of Siri, Windows wanted to show it off. Maybe not in this manner, eh? Anyway, if you want to see the mild carwreck in action, watch the video below.

TOPICS:   Not The Onion   Mobile


  • Albi
    "show me my most at-risk opportunities" That literally makes no sense at all.
  • jim
    "Cortana make me look like a dick"

What do you think?

Your comment