All hail man's bacon rant on Facebook!

22 July 2015

Mostly, when people complain to shops on Facebook and Twitter, they're not at all funny. In fact, they're a pain in the hole. However, sometimes, you get a cheeky git who can bring a smile to your face.

And so, to a bacon-devotee, who decided to rant at Tesco about his rashers.

A fella called Ben Roberts wrote to the retailer, to relive his the awful moment in his breakfast life. People liked it too, with his post being shared over 9,000 times. Naturally, we're trying to ride on the back of his traffic because we're not as funny as we used to be.

bacon FB

He wrote: "Good Evening Tesco,

"I hope this post finds you well. I just wanted to draw to your attention a truly horrific moment I incurred on Sunday morning.

"Now in our house it is pretty much tradition, or more like religion that we have bacon sandwiches in the morning on a weekend, as I am sure a lot of families are the same. After all bacon is the food of champions.

"So here I am Sunday morning when suddenly I remember we don't have any bacon. I couldn't believe it! Heartbroken I was! I was on the brink of complete meltdown when I said to myself "Ben! It's okay! You can just pop down to your handy Tesco Local and pick up a delicious pack of Smoked, back bacon rashers!" Genius!

"So I jumped in the car and drove my happy self down to Ye Olde Tesco. I park up, and skip my self into the shop and head for the meat section. I found the bacon, picked up the pack and thought that can go straight in my basket. Upon closer inspection at the checkout I read the front "7 Smoked Bacon Rashers" I chuckled to myself. 7. That's a strange number for a pack of bacon. I mean come on 7 is the number of days in the week, or the number of Sins but that is not a great number when it comes to rashers of bacon.

"I should of walked away there and then I know but I didn't. Instead I thought it's ok, when I get home and have cooked the strange number of rashers I simply will have 4 and my other half can have 3. The thought of this made me smile. I will have the most bacon, because I deserve it.

"Anyway, I get myself home, turn on the grill, line the tray with foil to avoid washing it and then ripped open the packet. I beamed from ear to ear as I proceeded to lay the bacon out.

"Suddenly.. I stopped. I began to feel myself sink again only this time it was worse. I looked down at the tray and then at the packet, then back at the tray and once more took a real good look at the plastic.

"SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! There was only 6 rashers of bacon. 6. I could not believe it! Mortified! I called my other half into the kitchen but quickly dismissed her as she did not seem to understand the problem.

"Well Tesco, let me explain in case you don't understand the problem. When I go to one of your stores and see 7 rashers of bacon for sale for £1.50 I expect 7 pieces! Not 5, or 6 or even 8 (well 8 is fine) but I expect 7! 7 of your finest rashers is what I wanted and I was sincerely disappointed.

"I have attached photo evidence and basically what I want to know is what the bloody hell are you going to do about this cruel act of betrayal.

"I look forward to your your response and hopefully my additional rasher of bacon".

Tesco replied with uncharacteristic warmth, by saying: "Well, it sounds like you've gone through a whirlwind of emotions for a Sunday morning.

“Like you, my day, month, and year can be made by a top quality bacon butty. I'll eat them in all the conceivable varieties: with ketchup or with brown sauce. Sometimes, just sometimes, I'll treat myself to what I call the Jamie special.

“This requires three slices of bread, some Brie, some mild salsa, bacon (obviously), a dab of imagination, and a George Foreman grill (other lean mean grilling machines are available).

“As a fellow bacon fan I can fully understand your shock, disappointment and unadulterated anger at finding only six rashers in the packet.”

To cap it all off, Tesco said they'd give Ben a full refund on the price of a packet of bacon, which means that, if you're going to complain, it is worth considering being funny. If you're not funny, then go H.A.M.

TOPICS:   Not The Onion   Health


  • Stan L.
    That's not bacon, it's watery ham.
  • Fagin
    indeed, as wastery as this wank excuse for a story. dry-cure aged bacon is where it's at. more fool him for being a tesco shopper.

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