Not The Onion

not-the-onion

All hail the brilliant Tennent's letter

Someone in Scotland, taking the Michael of course, and apparently got in touch with Tennent's basically asking them to organise a piss-up in a brewery, and Tennet's 'replied'. A fan of the booze asked the beer vendors if they could "hold a giant sesh", with references to happy hardcore royalty DJ Hixxy thrown in too. The…

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Deathwatch: Santa Claus

Deathwatch: Santa Claus

We like to keep an eye on the health of the businesses around the world here at Bitterwallet, which is why we have a 'deathwatch' section. At the close of 2015, we have some rather distressing news - Father Christmas is at the risk of going bankrupt. An audit shows that Santa’s finances are all…

Behold! The lady who dyed an Asda bag into her hair!

Putting dye in your own hair, at home, can be mildly perilous at times. Things can go wrong, you can burn your scalp, or the colour comes out all weird... however, there's one young lady who has taken the crown when it comes to hair dyeing mishaps! She decided to use an Asda plastic bag…

Co-op man suspended for sitting on scally, gets job back!

Remember our pal who worked in a Co-op, who sat on a scally who was trying to shoplift booze? Well, sadly, he got suspended from his job, because you're not supposed to sit on people's necks. If you can't remember the incident, here's a lovely photo of our hero. Good news! He's got his job…

Man threatens to 'smash' everything, because of a ham pizza

A pizza muncher decided to call 999, threatening to smash up a takeaway after he was told that he couldn't have a slice of ham and mushroom pizza. We've all been there, obviously. The customer ranted to the police, who clearly didn't have anything better to do, that he'd been to the same place the night…

Dundee are offering 'blow jobs'

We've been doing our bit and pointing you in the direction of some jobs for Christmas, and remarkably, a number of readers and drive-by commenters have been under the illusion that Bitterwallet's comment section is the place to leave a message for a big corporation, so they'll get back to you. So with that, it…

eBay seller uses grandma to flog stuff

Nanas are the best. They provide biscuits and cantankerous wisdom which you try and ignore, and ultimately end up agreeing with. Well, one eBay vendor has decided to use their gran as a model. This lady is 94-years-old, and she's like the models from Wheel of Fortune. For some reason, this eBay seller seems to…

WH Smith's bizarre concept on drinking their booze

You'll know that retailers have to impose all manner of rules on customers that are buying booze. They advise you drink responsibly and ask you not to drink them on the premises and all that jazz. However, at WH Smith, they have drinking rules that are, to say the least, conceptual. As you can see…

Restaurant calls customer a "cheeky f***er"

As you know, sometimes you have to barter with companies to get a deal. One fella called Richard Moore chanced his arm when contacting a Chinese restaurant. He asked, because he was bringing a group to Twin Dynasty in Kent, if it would be possible to get a discount. Unfortunately for the restaurant, they don't…

Tesco too literal with their marketing slogans

Tesco can't get a thing right at the moment, with legal action being taken against them for that accounting balls-up, and now, they're being far too literal with their marketing slogans. Have a look at this lovely scene and see if you can spot it (we didn't, immediately). While the Tesco lorry proudly crows: "You…

Shopper gets hit by 25mph mobility scooter in Tesco

If you're shopping at a Tesco in Plymouth, you'd better watch out because it sounds like there's gangs of hoodlums charging about on mobility scooters. One shopper has been injured after he was sent flying by an old bloke on his mobility scooter. Bruce Storr, the man on the receiving end, reckons that the old…

Lidl are now trolling Morrisons

Lidl are at it again! After trolling Sainsbury's over their 50p debacle, they're now taking the Michael out of Morrisons. As you know, Morrisons have announced that they are going to price match Lidl with a new scheme, after Lidl and Aldi ate away at the competitions profits by basically selling everything more cheaply. Lidl…

Greggs have a rather offensive logo, according to Google

If you tap 'Greggs' into Google and look at the logo that pops-up, you might notice that there's something a little unusual about it. That's right - Google have once again found themselves hosting an image which is less than complimentary about a company thanks to people mucking around. As you can see, the Greggs…

Men! Check out this sickening half-thong

Men. Have you ever looked down at your nether regions and thought - 'these underpants... there's just too much of them. People should be able to see more of my junk'. Well, if you went from boxers to jockeys, to briefs to a high cut tanga thong, and found yourself still too covered up for…

Another bootleg DVD with a killer review

You may recall a fine, fine review spotted on a dodgy bootleg of Old Boy we shared (if you missed it, have a look here) and it seems to be quite the thing in the Far East. Now, a knock-off of Shrek sees another killer one-line review which says "good, but not great." Wouldn't it…