Not The Onion

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Dundee are offering 'blow jobs'

We've been doing our bit and pointing you in the direction of some jobs for Christmas, and remarkably, a number of readers and drive-by commenters have been under the illusion that Bitterwallet's comment section is the place to leave a message for a big corporation, so they'll get back to you. So with that, it…

WH Smith's bizarre concept on drinking their booze

You'll know that retailers have to impose all manner of rules on customers that are buying booze. They advise you drink responsibly and ask you not to drink them on the premises and all that jazz. However, at WH Smith, they have drinking rules that are, to say the least, conceptual. As you can see…

Tesco too literal with their marketing slogans

Tesco can't get a thing right at the moment, with legal action being taken against them for that accounting balls-up, and now, they're being far too literal with their marketing slogans. Have a look at this lovely scene and see if you can spot it (we didn't, immediately). While the Tesco lorry proudly crows: "You…

Shopper gets hit by 25mph mobility scooter in Tesco

If you're shopping at a Tesco in Plymouth, you'd better watch out because it sounds like there's gangs of hoodlums charging about on mobility scooters. One shopper has been injured after he was sent flying by an old bloke on his mobility scooter. Bruce Storr, the man on the receiving end, reckons that the old…

Lidl are now trolling Morrisons

Lidl are at it again! After trolling Sainsbury's over their 50p debacle, they're now taking the Michael out of Morrisons. As you know, Morrisons have announced that they are going to price match Lidl with a new scheme, after Lidl and Aldi ate away at the competitions profits by basically selling everything more cheaply. Lidl…

Greggs have a rather offensive logo, according to Google

If you tap 'Greggs' into Google and look at the logo that pops-up, you might notice that there's something a little unusual about it. That's right - Google have once again found themselves hosting an image which is less than complimentary about a company thanks to people mucking around. As you can see, the Greggs…

Men! Check out this sickening half-thong

Men. Have you ever looked down at your nether regions and thought - 'these underpants... there's just too much of them. People should be able to see more of my junk'. Well, if you went from boxers to jockeys, to briefs to a high cut tanga thong, and found yourself still too covered up for…

Another bootleg DVD with a killer review

You may recall a fine, fine review spotted on a dodgy bootleg of Old Boy we shared (if you missed it, have a look here) and it seems to be quite the thing in the Far East. Now, a knock-off of Shrek sees another killer one-line review which says "good, but not great." Wouldn't it…

Commerical Break: Ambi Pur own perfume ads

Perfume adverts aren't mocked nearly enough. If anyone deserves wholesale damnation, it's the arseholes at fragrance marketing firms. To do the job for us, Ambi Pur are on it, with this tremendous pastiche, with the catchline 'pour lavatory' to cap things off!

Scratch card withdrawn because people can't count

A scratch card from Camelot called Cool Cash has been taken out of the shops because players couldn't understand numbers. To qualify for a prize, you needed to scratch a window to reveal a temperature lower than the figure displayed on each card. Now, because the card was winter themed, temperatures were usually below freezing.…

Bic reply to complaint letter in very funny manner

People are forever winding up companies with joke letters of complaint, but things get really good when companies play along in turn. And so, to Bic, who make the famous pens. One customer told them that one of their pens must have been faulty because it was erroneously drawing nothing but massive penises. And so,…

Iceland - the king of brilliant knockoffs!

You have to applaud people for their shameless attempts to ride the coattails of those more successful. There's some hilarious knockoff Manchester United kits doing the rounds and of course, all good B&M Bargain shops have things that Look A Bit Like Mars Bars and the like. However, Iceland have gone one further than everyone…

Arse jewels: The gift with character

Bromberg's of Alabama have a brilliant gift idea for you - arse jewels. According to them, these necklaces are perfect for Mother's Day, especially, it seems, it you'd like to spell out four-letter profanities on her neck. Who knows why they've arranged their jewels to spell 'arse', but the free advertising that'll invariably happen as…

Italians drink like Scottish tramps

Italy! A place of sunshine, fine wines and rich food! A country with fashion houses, tailored suits and sexual potency! However, Italians aren't all great. Aside from the whole 'fascism thing', they also don't know the first thing about good beer. This is neatly underlined by an establishment called 'Old Bear' which, on the chalkboard,…

Ford advert features Berlusconi and some tied-up women in the boot of a car

Selling cars is a tricky business. If you want to do something different to an ad with twisty mountain roads or neon cityscapes, what do you do? Well, if you're JWT India and Ford, and you want to sell a shipment of FordFigo cars, you create an advert that features a load of scantily-clad women…