Not The Onion

not-the-onion

Dundee are offering 'blow jobs'

We've been doing our bit and pointing you in the direction of some jobs for Christmas, and remarkably, a number of readers and drive-by commenters have been under the illusion that Bitterwallet's comment section is the place to leave a message for a big corporation, so they'll get back to you. So with that, it…

WH Smith's bizarre concept on drinking their booze

You'll know that retailers have to impose all manner of rules on customers that are buying booze. They advise you drink responsibly and ask you not to drink them on the premises and all that jazz. However, at WH Smith, they have drinking rules that are, to say the least, conceptual. As you can see…

Greggs have a rather offensive logo, according to Google

If you tap 'Greggs' into Google and look at the logo that pops-up, you might notice that there's something a little unusual about it. That's right - Google have once again found themselves hosting an image which is less than complimentary about a company thanks to people mucking around. As you can see, the Greggs…

Men! Check out this sickening half-thong

Men. Have you ever looked down at your nether regions and thought - 'these underpants... there's just too much of them. People should be able to see more of my junk'. Well, if you went from boxers to jockeys, to briefs to a high cut tanga thong, and found yourself still too covered up for…

Another bootleg DVD with a killer review

You may recall a fine, fine review spotted on a dodgy bootleg of Old Boy we shared (if you missed it, have a look here) and it seems to be quite the thing in the Far East. Now, a knock-off of Shrek sees another killer one-line review which says "good, but not great." Wouldn't it…

Commerical Break: Ambi Pur own perfume ads

Perfume adverts aren't mocked nearly enough. If anyone deserves wholesale damnation, it's the arseholes at fragrance marketing firms. To do the job for us, Ambi Pur are on it, with this tremendous pastiche, with the catchline 'pour lavatory' to cap things off!

Scratch card withdrawn because people can't count

A scratch card from Camelot called Cool Cash has been taken out of the shops because players couldn't understand numbers. To qualify for a prize, you needed to scratch a window to reveal a temperature lower than the figure displayed on each card. Now, because the card was winter themed, temperatures were usually below freezing.…

Iceland - the king of brilliant knockoffs!

You have to applaud people for their shameless attempts to ride the coattails of those more successful. There's some hilarious knockoff Manchester United kits doing the rounds and of course, all good B&M Bargain shops have things that Look A Bit Like Mars Bars and the like. However, Iceland have gone one further than everyone…

Italians drink like Scottish tramps

Italy! A place of sunshine, fine wines and rich food! A country with fashion houses, tailored suits and sexual potency! However, Italians aren't all great. Aside from the whole 'fascism thing', they also don't know the first thing about good beer. This is neatly underlined by an establishment called 'Old Bear' which, on the chalkboard,…

The Whale Pool: Suitable for Tom Thumb

Imagine the look of glee on your child's face as you reveal to them that you've bought them that Banzai 'Slide N Splash' Whale Pool that they had their eye on in the catalogue! Oh, summer will be great fun with all the kids splashing around in the back garden! Look how the young girls…

Buy your child a Baby In A Microwave toy!

While this may not be new or news, we've stumbled across a most peculiar toy from those wonderful Japanese folks from Japanland. Welcome Baby In A Microwave! That's right! Is your puking little sprog forever sticking its siblings in the microwave trying to explode them? Well sate their disgusting desires with this toy! Or send…

Lazy hacks and the case of the Wanky Balls festival

You know the festival called The Big Chill? Did you know it used to be called The Wanky Balls Festival? No? Well, if you read the Independent recently, that's what you would have learned: It won't surprise you that Big Chill was never called Wanky Balls, Sweaty Nads, Greasy Schlong or anything else for that…

Andy  

Paint colour chart fail

Paint colour chart fail

Rape yellow? Small problem with the spelling of 'melon' too...