You're Not Dreaming, It's A Sh**e Christmas

1 December 2008

The organisers say, "We can assure you of an absolutely magical scene... just look how real and cold the 'snow' appears to be." But the punters disagree, describing it as "disorganised chaos" and "hell".

It’s Lapland New Forest, a Christmas theme park based in Dorset. Customers have bombarded Trading Standards with complaints about their £25 experience.

Grace Tyrell of Fareham told the BBC, "The nativity scene (below right) was a picture on a painted wall which was viewed from a distance and which had everyone we met laughing."

Other grievances surrounded unhappy animals, a broken ice rink and log cabins that are actually nothing more than some sheds that have been painted green.

According to disappointed visitors, the exciting-sounding "tunnel of light" was nothing more than a line of trees with some fairy lights hanging from them.

Lacking in both snow and elves, and with extra charges to pay in addition to the admission fee, it’s been a bad start to Christmas for a lot of Dorset kids.

Looks like we’ll have to rethink out Bitterwallet EasterWorld park, due to open in three months time.

With paths made from broken egg shells and an Easter bunny that’s nothing more than an inflatable punchbag with a face drawn on it and a pair of cardboard ears glued on top, we may have underestimated just what the public want from their theme parks…


  • People B.
    [...] those people who set-up a Lapland themed place for Christmas that, essentially, made the wonder of Yule look like a carpark full of derelict shit? [...]
  • Lapland B.
    [...] two brothers who masterminded the diabolical Lapland New Forest theme park in 2008 have been jailed for 13 months for misleading the [...]

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