When the going gets hot, we buy sausages

Sales of sausages are going through the roof his summer, as we languish in paddling pools eating pigs bumholes in a bap. Tesco sold 9 million sausages last weekend – meaning that pigs everywhere will be anxiously studying their weather apps and squinting at the clouds.


With temperatures regularly hitting 31ºC, we have all but abandoned being inside altogether - patio chairs are up 543% on Amazon, lawn sprinklers are selling like crazy, and nobody is ever going to use the cooker again.

Waitrose spokesman David Jones said:‘Many are virtually abandoning their stoves for the great outdoors – with barbies, salads and picnic foods on the menu. Ice lollies will be up around 110% on last year and charcoal is likely to be up by 300% on last year."

With more hot weather predicted this week, Britain is now officially living up to that most stupid of concepts - a barbeque summer. So can we give up on going to work and just sit around eating blackened bangers and bring drunk until September? You betcha.


  • klingelton
    "bring drunk until September?" Bring drunk what?
  • Zeddy
    @what the f##k? What she means is not what she writes. Standards are everything and you have none.
  • Darius
    And it's "barbecue".
  • fibbingarchie
    There's nothing more depressing than having to visit a supermarket during a heatwave. Throngs of half naked morons, shuffling around, voraciously scooping up cheap lager and 45% pork sausages to feed their fat, stupid, sunburnt faces. It's like the village of the damned.
  • Raggedy
    @fibbingarchie You were there too? Thank god! I thought I'd lapsed into a drug-induced zombie film and ran out screaming.
  • So T.
    Who the fuck does their sausages like the ones in the picture? Probably fucking Tennant's drinkers.

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