When the going gets hot, we buy sausages

15 July 2013

Sales of sausages are going through the roof his summer, as we languish in paddling pools eating pigs bumholes in a bap. Tesco sold 9 million sausages last weekend – meaning that pigs everywhere will be anxiously studying their weather apps and squinting at the clouds.


With temperatures regularly hitting 31ºC, we have all but abandoned being inside altogether - patio chairs are up 543% on Amazon, lawn sprinklers are selling like crazy, and nobody is ever going to use the cooker again.

Waitrose spokesman David Jones said:‘Many are virtually abandoning their stoves for the great outdoors – with barbies, salads and picnic foods on the menu. Ice lollies will be up around 110% on last year and charcoal is likely to be up by 300% on last year."

With more hot weather predicted this week, Britain is now officially living up to that most stupid of concepts - a barbeque summer. So can we give up on going to work and just sit around eating blackened bangers and bring drunk until September? You betcha.


  • klingelton
    "bring drunk until September?" Bring drunk what?
  • Zeddy
    @what the f##k? What she means is not what she writes. Standards are everything and you have none.
  • Darius
    And it's "barbecue".
  • fibbingarchie
    There's nothing more depressing than having to visit a supermarket during a heatwave. Throngs of half naked morons, shuffling around, voraciously scooping up cheap lager and 45% pork sausages to feed their fat, stupid, sunburnt faces. It's like the village of the damned.
  • Raggedy
    @fibbingarchie You were there too? Thank god! I thought I'd lapsed into a drug-induced zombie film and ran out screaming.
  • So T.
    Who the fuck does their sausages like the ones in the picture? Probably fucking Tennant's drinkers.

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